Some Advice

Composed around 2009/2010
Description: Another oldie. Different from my usual style; though, I am still entertained by this one…

Never ever use a bathroom with a window. It may just be the last thing you ever do.

Don’t believe me? Ask my uncle. He’s dead.

I mean, when you think about it, what better time is there to kill someone? They’re distracted, vulnerable. And I’ve never known anyone to carry a gun or a Kevlar vest with them to the bathroom.

I dated a girl who took a dagger with her once, but I’ve dated a lot of weird chicks.

Anyway, in my opinion, the guy who started the trend was pretty clever. Besides the vulnerability, there’s also the fact that there is usually only one person in the bathroom at a time. Granted, you‘ll get some frisky newlyweds or old bickering couples, but the point is that at least once a day the target will be alone in the bathroom in a vulnerable situation, lulled into a false sense of security. And if you’re a decent sniper it’s not too hard to find a spot to sit and wait. Or, if poison is more your style, the window probably isn’t locked, and it will be simple to slip in there right before your target hits the restroom and spike their toothpaste or gas the place.

So don’t ever buy a house with a bathroom window. If you’ve already got one, first off, congratulations on surviving this long, and, secondly, take my advice and replace the old window with some bulletproof glass while you’re ahead.

Paranoid? Maybe. But, hey: tell that to my uncle. Putting a window in the bathroom was not a smart idea on his part. Of course, maybe the real moral of this story is don’t have an affair, especially if your wife knows a good hit man.

I really felt bad when Uncle Cameron died, but Aunt Becky paid ten grand in cash.

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