Suffocating

Composed 3/14/14
Description: You could say a lot of “romantic” stuff is happening in my life. I’m a senior in college, and therefore I am expected to gleefully wave goodbye to my youth and wax on the beauty of how all my childhood years have brought me up to make me who I am today. Though, perhaps more importantly, yesterday my best friend got engaged, and, as the best friend, I am quite obligated to be chipper and sigh-y and mushy about the whole thing.

The thing is, though, with college, the reality hasn’t hit me, and I address the subject in general with much reluctance and many mixed feelings. I still feel like a sophomore, really, and I know getting out into the real world will likely be a nasty slap in the face. With my friend, well, I’m just not a mushy person I guess. I quite logically acknowledge that this is good for her and she’s happy, but putting on more than a smile and congrats just has not possessed me.

Meanwhile, everyone around me is so opposite. People can’t wait to get out there and start their life. They have dreams. They have fiancés. They squeal about people getting engaged. They have so much hope.

I think at one point in my life I was romantic, perhaps. But the years have dragged me down. I essentially major in “people have problems” and minor in “relationships are hard work,” so it’s hard to imagine a life for myself that ends on giddy fairytale note at the present time. And, thus, I think it’s hard for me to see it for other people too. Or maybe, my outlook for myself is so grim, that I’m reluctant to note when people have it going really well.

Though, apparently, sometimes my laid back attitude with regard to typically mushy things is appreciated by my friend. She knows she can come to me when she needs to chill out or get out of the spotlight. Still…

Somewhere
Within the folds and furrows of my heart
A hopeless romantic is struggling to breathe

Gasping
Under the massive weight laid upon her
A hot twenty year stack of ruthless realism

I know
It’s just going to take that someone
Who has a lot of sweet oxygen to give

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4 thoughts on “Suffocating

    1. Thank you! I messed around with the form several times with this one, so I’m glad it came out well. :) And I’m always satisfied when someone can relate to the message I’ve conveyed. That’s the point of art, I think.

      Like

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