I Laugh at the Past

Composed 4/4/14
Description: (Day 3 of NaPoWriMo)  This is a possible entry for my university’s (second!) literary arts magazine. Its theme is “numinous” — which roughly translates to “a radical shift in perspective.” This was the first thing that came to mind; though I’m hoping to produce a few more poems with this theme! Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I laugh thinking about
How you used to frustrate me
How I’d follow you with my keen, puppy eyes
Praying
Please! God!
Just notice me!

But
Oh
Thank God
You had no interest in that
Sweet, yearning girl
You stuck your nose up and walked away
Toward long hair and slender frames
And 60 grand a year

And every time
Oh
I was heartbroken
But really when you ran away
My heart
Dodged a bullet

Because now I see that
Each man I saw stacked
With a thousand rare virtues
Really consisted
Of an overflowing laundry list
Of red lights and warning signs

You see
I mistook your brilliance for romance
Your arrogance for bravery
And you
I thought your cocked eyebrow and blank stare
Were charming
While really
You just weren’t that smart

But then of course there was
Your redeeming boundless passion
That
Naturally
Had no basis in my mind

And I laugh
Thinking about the future
About the life of bored house wifedom
I could have lived
Never seeing you
Or never loving you

Because now I’m not bound by the chains
That outline the books on failing marriages
I can sleep peacefully each night knowing
I never lost
I’ve never had it
How it’s supposed to be

I could never see how
Girls looked back on those drama laden breakups
With regret
Because they’re blessings now
To me

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