Independence

Composed 4/12/14
Description: (Day 12 of NaPoWriMo)

Sometimes I want to live
And not be loved
I just want
To look up as the sun beats down
And feel the brush of wind’s gentle hand
To look out over
The pinks exploding in seas of grass
The mulling of blues and blacks cast in the shadow
Of hazed yellow lights

I want to wander alone
In endless museums
Where my mind can grasp
Where my fingers can touch
The talents and stories of which I can
Barely comprehend
I need to ravage the cities
The forests
The markets
At my own pace
To be myself

And then I arrive home
And I want to be loved
As well as alive
Because I see you
Smiling, laughing, relaxed, and elegant
Perfectly content in the lack of my presence
And I
An individual
An outsider
Am too late to join

The ones I loved
Leave me
Too absorbed in each other

And suddenly
All that once brought life to my bones
Weighs me down and
Shatters the glass in my chest
And
I wish to revoke the time wasted
On my own self
Because why does it matter
If no one will cherish me
When I return?

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