New Old Days

Composed 6/29/14
Description: After I moved back home after completing my last semester of college, I began to have a hard time writing. I feel like this has something to do with the change in atmosphere. All the things that inspired me as I truly began writing poetry are now gone. I’m much more isolated here in my small town than I was in a larger city amidst a college campus (obviously), and everything is just so… routine. So quiet. So familiar.  And yet I don’t belong in it like I’m supposed to.  And somehow this has robbed me of my words. Even this poem came out with a lot more work than my poems usually do.

My muse let go on the ribbon road
And clings to pink leaves and iced cotton snow
It hides in phantom walks and rains
Sleeping in joys and old heart pains

Now vibrant colors halt at my eyes
While silence surrounds these small town country skies
And even as storms blow gray and wild
My voice shrivels up as a weak frightened child’s

I cannot speak in this peaceful calm
In the lull of unknowing I write no songs
There’s nothing to see, nothing to say
I’m alone and muted in these new old days

In solitude I think myself blind
And meaning hides in the shadows’ bind
It’s all too familiar and a tad amiss
Like a soon ex-lover’s first sweetly forced kiss

This place drains life from my body and words
So I sit, a stunned and silenced bird
And like the red leaves that showered me
So too my words have been crushed to seed

I cannot speak in this peaceful calm
In the lull of unknowing I write no songs
There’s nothing to see, nothing to say
I’m alone and muted in these new old days

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Last of Days

Composed about 5/8/14
Description: A poem composed around the last few class days of the last semester of my college career.

What am I to say on these last of days?
as I write the last words on the last chapter’s page?
I feel no elation or intense sorrow
about the events taking place in the morrow.
I hear voices – bright, awed, and reserved –
but I stare at bare walls – quiet, undisturbed.
What should I think as I rest my head
for the final time on my four year bed?
It was a good time. I hope I remember
the laughs, the facts, every spring and December
I feel different. Have I changed for the better?
In some ways I’ve got it down to the letter.
But I’ve also learned of my imperfections
and falter to swing in new directions.
But as I leave I know I understand more –
of friendship, myself, and future doors.
I owe so much to my friends and my Lord,
And now He says it’s time to move

Forward

When All Are Asleep

Composed 6/24/14
Description: Am I dead? In fact I am not, though the inactivity of this blog surely made you lovely few devoted readers of mine wonder. I have no great excuses for this. Indeed, I did graduate college in early May and have been stressing over the uncertainty of my future. However, I have had ample time to write (and, indeed, a few ideas even)… I just have been lacking muse and motivation as of late.

However, this evening some verses did occur to me quite clearly. I hope you enjoy, and I hope to get back on the blogging bandwagon.

It’s in the night in the silence
That I find my muse
When other minds rest, unhearing
And for some soft hours I am truly unobserved
The only mind churning among inanimate beings

It’s so freeing to not be judged
For even in my silence others wonder
And think of me
But now I am truly allowed to make my own way unobstructed
To recline or run or think of silliness
Or the mystic workings of life

And yet it’s embarrassing that in this freedom
My strangely clear and vibrant mind
Splashes colors that end in an image of you
That the words in my mind fall into sentences
Describing scenes and sorrows of the past

And I give up my freedom
To grasp a few spare lines from you
That, despite my efforts, falter and fall within moments
While my mind hums the line
People never change

I am alone
Thinking clearly
Remembering rejection
But strangely at peace
When all are asleep