Ataraxy

Composed 1/19/15
Description: Ataraxy: a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety (dictionary.com)

I actually wrote this and then, an hour or so later, I found this word. It described the feeling I was searching for so perfectly I made it the title.

Your intention is well meant I know
But it’s mixed with some obligation
Meanwhile I am consumed in my own world
With little interest to disengage
In fact
Only anger and frustration consume my heart
At your kindness
For it is kindness
You are my friend
And I do not wish to offend
But I cannot leave this place

I spend so many hours in your company
Have I not earned a day alone
Without the threat of controversy
I just wish for
Peace

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Magic

Composed 1/20/15
Description: This came from a discussion I had with a friend.

He was talking about how some people believe Dungeons & Dragons (which I’ve recently started playing) is anti-religious/Christian. It made me think of several years ago when people were saying the same thing about Harry Potter. In both cases, these thoughts are not only untrue but completely backwards. You can create very holy/religious characters in D&D (which could symbolically represent Christians), and Harry Potter has wonderful moral and spiritual themes.

People just need to stop treating “magic” like a bad word. Isn’t the Narnia series, the most beloved Christian-allegorical series, chock full of magic? Isn’t the whole idea of God alone… well, magical?

You say I’m playing Satan’s games
But I see golden stags through the trees
Distant realms between their borders
I see magic in the stars
And that seems like heaven to me

The Fight

Composed 1/12/15
Description: A little before Christmas I received my very first smartphone as a Christmas present. Yes, I’m 23 and just got a smartphone. What? I liked my little Alias 2! That’s a cool phone!

But besides the fear of ditching my longtime, very reliable “dumb” phone, I was worried that I would be faced with many distractions once in possession of a smartphone. I’m already an Internet addict, but I rather disliked the idea of technology creeping in on my social interactions. So is the smartphone a distraction? Yes. But…

He steals my eyes from yours
so I cannot see your smile
your grief
He steals my hands
from the touch of friends
and worse he steals my mind
filling it with preoccupations
that have nothing to do with the observations of my loved ones
Surely he’s stolen opportunities for connection
with family or with strangers
but

Hasn’t he also given me a chance
to see your face?
To reach out and comfort my dear far friends?
Flood my mind with the warmth
of your unexpected words
so that I may think of nothing else?
To speak
make connections with some I may never or rarely meet?

Perhaps…
it is all about
balance

It’s a Different Place at Night

Composed 1/6/15
Description: n/a

There’s something about the cold
The howling of relentless wind
Through the silhouette of trees in the openness
And the gray blue mist of night
Of listening and watching while trapped huddling inside
That makes me feel as if
I’ve travelled across the ocean to a place I’ve never been
A new lonely adventure

Just Words

Composed 1/8/15
Description: Hello, world! How’s the new year treating you so far? For me it’s been pretty quiet, though the year is packed with possibilities… One of those possibilities is writing more; I am officially setting the goal of posting one piece a week — so expect more from me! 

What’s with me and starting the year with rather unhappy pieces? Maybe it’s just purging myself of the stress of the year… But anyway, something that came to me last night. 

I try to pretty my voice with flow’ry metaphors
And catch your attention with clever rhymes
But I can’t hear the music playing
And without that I’m lost

So many people hear songs in life
The mixed up rhythms of day to day
While I’m trapped in words roboticized
Stretched beyond sincerity
Where not everyone can reach

I long for the life of a lyricist
Who can capture a life in a minute or two
And send it out to the masses
Who think themselves the writer

It’s one thing to study the masters
Another to live your life and capture it
Bottle it and send it off
To loved ones and strangers

How can I succeed when others tell my story
Better than I?

And tell it so prettily –
In syllables like waves
Both predictable and unexpected
In their undulating flow

Oh, if only I heard the music
If only you could touch my soul
Would you
Could you
Teach me your music?
I need it to feel whole