Wasting

Composed 4/22/18
Description: Inspired by life and today’s daily prompt: partake.

My secret pleasure is
My secret shame
It is nothing in excess
A wine drunk until blind
This, the wasting of my time
Self care a masquerade for sin
The slow death that starts from within
And manifests in blackened fingers and
Dusty minds
Cobwebbed hobbies and
Missed deadlines
Useless knowledge grasped as
Loves leave in wake of addiction
And any excuse is just rationalization
Fiction

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The Day After

Composed 3/25/18

Just because I’m not easy
Doesn’t mean I’m untouchable
You see
I thought confidence was sexy
A set of standards and consistent personality
Was a trait to be admired and sought for eagerly
But you won’t even try
Preferring the company of convenience
Open palms and weak, trembling knees
Any batting eyes and sly smiles that invite
Even moments after acquaintance

Perhaps it’s fruitless to preach patience
But its virtue is both yours and mine
I won’t warm your bed tonight
Any other could be your flickering candlelight
All I can promise is a lifetime of what is real, enduring
Soft good mornings and
Emotion, eloquence,
Warm fires emitting radiance
Each night a good night kiss and
Love drunk words that feel like this
And most of all confidence
In loyalty, in one and only
A unique union strong in humor and partnership
But it’s time wrapped up in commitment
It’s inefficient
It’s different

I’m homegrown
A relationship planted, nurtured, watered, and sown
Don’t misunderstand me
You are free to your microwavable convenience store romance
But perhaps the work is worth the chance
For true flavor and craftsmanship
Even if the meal ends
Your time will not be wasted
A need inside of you fully sated

Tonight is not my night
And I doubt it will ever be
But tonight I won’t let it bother me
You look and all you see are
The words used describe me
Smart, kind, spiritual
Apparently unapproachable
And you?
Missing out

Hiatus

Composed 3/18/18

Headaches
Staying up late
Persistent vegetative states
Pay the bills
Netflix and chill
Eat fast food for every meal
Watch the news
Sing the blues
Familiar drives all done in cruise
Do some chores
Tests to study for
But mostly just wanting more

The oft repeated, historical find
That life takes up all your time
And thus leaves the martyrs three —
Spirituality, beauty, creativity

Opening Windows

horizon zero dawn nature screenshot of sunrise sunset shown on desktop computer
Photo by author. Desktop background photo via Guerrilla Games/Sony Interactive Entertainment via Polygon

Composed 1/20/18
Description: Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Horizon. For inspiration I searched for horizon pictures and got a new desktop in addition to the inspiration I was looking for…

Perhaps I am rooted to this place
To these walls to these people
To my duties to this life
Destined to watch the same sunrise
Pretty and calm over the same country skies

But I am not rooted to this place
Others capture beauty and adventure
And play as eager historians
Recording their wonder in images and words

A new horizon I could find
Every night every morning every hour
And plaster each one over my window
To catch a new perspective

And someday I hope you will take joy in my discoveries
Find enlightenment in these simple, small town words
For it’s my love to see the world through your eyes
So perhaps there is value to mine

On Reaching Out

Composed 1/15/18
Description: n/a

My thoughts on love have polarized, metastasized
Spreading from brain, to heart, to thighs
I cannot imagine looking into your eyes
And seeing a reflection of me inside

I’ve been on both sides
A distant, disinterested foil of pursuit
A piner who quiets without conclusion
Now I care not to even glance in your direction
Such a farfetched fantasy
I cannot even feign the words to my untold story

These butterflies
Are angst and disgust
Not lovesickness
Lovers seem like strangers
A foreigner – I will never understand
And I have failed to assimilate

Trying
Might yield something
But I’m busy
It’s embarrassing

I see others with their limited successes
Their mediocre second tries
And I cannot find
The will, the desire
To extend my arm and spread open my fingers
To reach

If fate doesn’t deliver you into my hands
I believe I will busy them
In other worthy pursuits

Reflections on a New Year’s Party

Composed 1/8/18
Description: Going over some old poem scraps and polishing them up. So here we have a somewhat belated reflection on my real-life New Year’s Eve. However, I think this musing could be applied to nearly any moment, any time you looked around and marveled, whether that moment was happy or bizarre, and said “How did I end up here?”

A new year begun with
old friends, long histories
acquaintanced and long distanced but
brought together, connected, and
intertwined by
happenstance and serendipity
begging the question
How did we get here?
And will we be here next year?

Words of Affirmation

Composed 1/1/18
Description: My first piece of the year, inspired by a real New Years Eve party and today’s Daily Prompt: Conversation.

In the hours late and early
I deny conventional comforts
In lieu of clarity
Alone reserved and observing
Of the need for love and for touch
Purposefully I monitor my thoughts and senses
There is no sense for intimacy here
I have long rejected feelings
Unfelt and unreciprocated

Joy may waft in here
I hear its call and wear its smile
But I regain my temporal orientation and
Acknowledge temporary sensation
And yet
As the moon shines like daylight beaming
Even a drink laced
You’re beautiful
Gives me that champagne feeling

Love Letter

Composed: 12/28/17
Description: To keep it short and sweet, this is a reaction to some conversations I’ve been apart of/overheard lately
. I’ll try and let the piece speak for itself.

Darling
I don’t want to love you like I love a crescent moon
Where I only love to see your face when most is out of view
Instead I want to bask as your whole self radiates
Where shadows, bumps, and craters make my struck heart palpitate

Darling
I want a partner
Not a child, not a put up with
I want to take pleasure in your presence
Not your absence
To take comfort from your closeness
Not your distance

Darling
I promise not to settle
I promise to wait for you
To avoid the doom of sighs and gossip
To be proud
To support you even when alone
Because I picked you and love you for all of you
Because your broken pieces are like kintsugi
Not detracting from your beauty
But making it

Darling let me love you like a song
For your beat, for your highs and lows
For the words I just instinctively know
Not perfect, not always
But there’s a connection and
It’s all pleasure to me
Let me love you like a song
That I always love to sing