Not Married

Composed 11/20/17
Description: A real conversation. Inspired by life and the Daily Prompt: Particular.

Why not?
You’re a nice girl
Friendly
You always seem happy
You’re attractive enough
Maybe you’re just
Particular

He speaks
The word with stealth and embarrassment like a rare spoken curse
He’s a browning leaf shaking on the limb
From the barest gust of wind

Do you have interests?
Hike? Go out? Meet people?

Like the only explanation is that
I’ve never left the house
Never met a single man

And he’s so concerned
Like I’ll be thrown out to the street
And consumed by wolves
If a man doesn’t hold my hand and lock the door

Truly
The mastication of my limbs would be a more fortunate fate
Than settling for the first nice guy
Who thought the mere reality of his presence
Was worthy of me falling to me knees in need
I would rather bleed
Than live a life where I settled for misery over
Contented seclusion
I don’t need anybody

I know someone
He’s too old though
and
married

He thinks any body will satisfy
Even if the match is completely ridiculous
I could be married a thousand times over by now
If I wasn’t
Particular
How I loathe those who think it’s a scandal to wait
For the best offer
For the right fit
To achieve genuine happiness
I am worth it

I don’t mean to invade
your personal space
I hope I didn’t offend

Spare me your patriarchy
You wish to see me sold off so desperately
You cannot hold it in
Despite the obvious violation
Of the boundary of this partnership

Don’t worry about me
I know what I’m doing

Either I marry for love and partnership
An egalitarian complement
Or I revel in my private purpose
And the freedom that attends
Rather than bend
To the will of desperation
A voice that lies as much as the concern
Positioned in your eyes

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Diet

Composed 11/16/17

the curbing of appetites
to be lean of body and pure of mind
the struggle
of all mankind
we’re cursed
from the moment of birth
to crave what kills and
condemn what cultivates
growth
is still the goal
to teach not manufacture
a herd of perfect automatons
with no ability to become more than an efficient list checker
instead we’re a bowl of swirling emotions
given the capacity to make choices
the potential to become more than
a sack of replacement parts
every moment, every choice defines
priorities and meanings of life
and yet still I justify
poison for pleasure
and pleasure for shortened life
hammering the temple ruins
despite the warning signs

Calloused

Composed 11/9/17
Description: Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Gingerly.

With you there’s only eggshells
For you are an electric fire
Any prodding emits sparks
Water begets electrocution
Discussion – only more smoke
More tears
I fear
So I just bury you in sand and walk on eggshells
So oft I’ve tread these paths
Most times I don’t even feel

Variety

Composed 9/15/17
Description: A little tidbit of advice, inspired by life and today’s Daily Prompt: Flavorful.

Tastebuds changed
Were planted
After careful cultivation
Grown over years
Budded and
Bloomed
Tended to
Never harvested
Rarely pruned
Run amok
Vines sprouting, crawling, overtaking
Setting more to root
More seeds, more buds, more blooms
Suddenly no room for anything else

And then the rot comes in

Disease, nausea, death
Then there’s nothing left
No moving on
Just spending the rest of days
Searching for a shadow, an exact replica

Only disappointment waits if
This searching becomes fate
And when it’s found
The taste courses through and triggers
Shivering memories of sickness
And it only heaves and never leaves
If one only consumes the same that instigated illness
So be through with it
There are more flavors out in the world
That’s why they call variety
The spice of life

Offended (By the Internet)

Composed 9/13/17
Description: Shocking right? Well, this rant poem was inspired by a slight but dedicated vein of rage that coursed through me after some light internet browsing. Oh, and today’s Daily Prompt: Penchant.

a screenshot of a isfj description of who you usually go for in terms of dating love romance

According to a random person who
made an interpretation about
Myers-Briggs who
might have made the whole thing up
I have a penchant

For the unachievable the
prideful, uncaring bachelor who
is two (five, ten) steps behind me who
I must constantly chase
and never face as an equal in love

I love a “non-committer”
a hesitant suitor
someone who I must baby as I think about the future
someone who makes me feel
inferior

Apparently I am a sap for masochism
a woman who worships fanatics of sadism

Indeed, this might have been my fate
at one time
to love unrequitedly
to invest in time-share romance
but is it my desire
to be burned out by my own fire
while the other watches me burn
cold as unyielding steel?

My only downfall was
thinking I was worth something
and reaching
not a weakness not a
love life death wish not a
fear of commitment
just a longing for men I thought were worth it
who turned out not to be

It’s just been me
learning
and I’ve learned
to know who’s recognized my worth
to recognize interest and affection
to only give what I’ve been given
to forgive but move forward

My past does not equal
My goals
My future
I don’t cycle
I upgrade

So best be cautious with your ill-conceived zodiac memes
Don’t misinterpret me
Or bring me down
I am intelligent, savvy
I will search carefully
Seek out chemistry
And I will find love or it will find me

Old

Composed 9/11/17
Description: Is this a melodramatic poem about something trivial? Oh, yes it is. But inspiration sneaks up like that. So what’s this really about? I’ll give you a hint: I’ve written about this subject before. But I welcome your own personal impressions/interpretations. 

Should use the old before the new
It was old before you knew
Should have used it when it was new
Cause now the new will get old too
Before it gets to being used
And it’s all because of you

The Curse of Old Loves

Composed 9/10/17
Description: Inspired by life and today’s Daily Prompt: Peculiar. A poem about moving on.

Peculiar
How we cling to the familiar
Even when we know it’s no good
He returns to old comfort
Though he knows it has failed
Venom seeping through the fingertips and lips
And clogging all paths to the heart
But he is welcomed
With a smile and soft eyes
With warmth
With kind words and old love songs
With good intentions, perhaps
But it’s a curse –
He’s poisoned but pleased
Pleasure brings him back and habits form
The longer it endures the more he is addicted and
The more harmed
The more he is unable to break free but
He can anticipate and follow routine
It’s easy
It’s hard to change, move on
Try something new
But if you keep returning to the past
You miss out on what’s in front of you
And the future never comes

Anticipation

Composed 9/7/17
Description: A belated response to the Daily Prompt: Anticipate.

If only I could anticipate your conversations
I could practice interactions to simulate elation
For I yearn to be in your good graces
To be admired — not one of a million faces
All I can do is watch your reactions
But I black out after failures to muster attraction
They seem to offer only confirmation
That your mind is engaged with other fixations