Sunday, Alone

I hold my breath and focus on the sweeter things
because if I imagine the possibilities
I might just lose it
as I walk through these doors alone
I live a future I do not wish to see
and I almost wish I had stayed home
so these pitiful eyes wouldn’t look at me
consolation is a curse
that pulls me back under

sitting on the shelf
are memories that I take for granted
I imagine them cracked and dusty
and tears blur my vision so I cannot see
these emotional scenes sneak up on me
a scam aimed at my innermost vulnerabilities
I don’t want to stifle these moments because
it could be the end
but if I think about how much you mean to me and how you are such a true friend
my sorrow will burst forth and be without end
don’t leave me I pray
so I can love you
another day

 

Composed 8/26/18

The Throne

Composed 4/11/17
Description: While I work on a few more serious pieces, have a bit of random inspiration. Where do you find yourself working on your creative pursuits? For NaPoWriMo.

The only time I have to be alone
Is on this throne
So leave me be
As I write sweet toilet poetry

Hermit

Composed 12/9/15
Description: Ah! The semester is over, which means, yes, less on my mind and more time to write… for the time being. Hopefully, this means I will push out some more poetry in the coming days. For now, here’s this.

It is different for us
And difference is a pleasant dream
When we find ourselves alone
Alone we feel no need to run
But sink-in, relax, think, and feel
Be

We are survivors
When the world around us dies
Indeed, we thrive
Independent, often confident, unafraid
Exploring
When abandoned or betrayed we
Live

When found we relinquish control
And let others in for a time yet
Retreat
Off put with insecurity
Hands clinging with poverty

Do you really crave
Separation from your own mind?

The Moment

Composed 5/28/15
Description: I’ve increasingly become aware that I fear this myself.

It couldn’t have been a more peaceful evening.

As the sun began its descent, its beams filtered in through the kitchen window and illuminated her mug-filled hands. She brought the rim to her lips and grimaced only slightly as she swallowed.

Tugging her knit sweater more closely to her willowed frame, she stared outside. It was so bright compared to her dim kitchen that she squinted to clearly see the clouds drifting in the sky, the trees easing back and forth in the breeze.

She was alone. And it was this thought that seized her when the pains came.

She had anticipated death; she did not fear the pain or the passing itself. No, she feared bring alone in The Moment. There was no one to witness, to hold, to say goodbye. She would just be found, gone. No one would see her, speak with her again. Her lasts were finalized, and no one was coming to whisper sweet thoughts as she transitioned into that universally Unknown Place.

So she was afraid. As the mug broke, as she crouched to the floor, as she moaned and laid down, belly up, she was lonely, and she was afraid. It seemed such a cruel fate to live so fully, to have family, to make friends, and die abandoned and alone.

She died in the dark. She died sad.

It wasn’t until then that she could see the beaming silhouette standing beside her. He wore a white cloak – heavy, hooded, and warm. He offered his hand, and she took it. She stood and looked down at The Body and started to cry. But he brushed the tears from her cheek, and she realized she had never really been alone.

Just Ignore Me, Really

Composed 10/1/13
Description: n/a

What must I do to set myself apart
From those bleached little sweet things
Yearning for your hand
You shame even them
With your elegant rejection
Cool distance and furrowed brow

And me
How often I’m overshadowed
So surely you don’t even notice
It’s just ingrained
My place in your mind
Your heart

Perhaps you’re right
To wait and listen
To your head and not your chest
At least you know which is speaking

My head
The inside
The only part of me worth your complements
And yet
It’s enough

What am I saying?
If it was destiny
I’d be ripping out my heart
But maybe I only stop
Because I know you don’t like to see blood

Instead I wait where it’s safe
Lovers are close but
Friends are closer
If it’s meant to be
You will see
Someday when your need is great
I am here
I will wait

Tonight

Composed 8/31/13
Description: Sorry for the brief hiatus. Between moving back to college and attending many fun events, I’ve not had time to sit down and write much lately. However, tonight gave me opportunity and inspiration simultaneously. It’s my second night in my apartment on campus… and all my roommates have disappeared, leaving me quite alone. And, thus, Tonight.

Embracing the warmth
Of a hug and fresh tea
Followed by twirls
And effortless leaps
Floating and gliding
Like a bird on the sea
Sadly tonight
That girl isn’t me

Listening, learning
About what’s rarely seen
Praying and working
To meet others’ needs
Doing it all
With sincerity’s gleam
Sadly tonight
That girl isn’t me

Heart pumps, excitement
A blush in her cheeks
Marveling if
He’s as great as he seems
Talking and laughing
Life’s harms seem to flee
Sadly tonight
That girl isn’t me

Trapped in a house
Strange, barren, stuffy
Pencils and paper
Her sole company
With too much time for
Reminiscing
Indeed, tonight
That girl is me

Skeleton

Composed 7/26/13
Description: We do not only need food to survive.

I could live without the feast
If permitted bits of bread
An occasional scrap of steaming meat
Small wrapped chocolates on holidays
At least then I’d have a taste
Of hope

But I sit here starving
Gulping water to fight the pains
To my left and right
They snack contently
Others gorging
Cheeks round and red with warmth

I’m
A skeleton
No one pays mind
To my stares
My pale, shrunken cheeks
Too distracted with their own joy
And I’m left alone to wither

Alone in a Crowd

Composed 5/4/13
Description: Seems like everyone’s got someone these days. It doesn’t bother me always, but sometimes…

We sit in the courtyard
On a warm evening in May
We sit and we listen
To a sweet serenade

They are graced by a glow
As they murmur and embrace
But the darkness hides me
They cannot see my face

They disappear
While I’m left behind
But I feel the same
The only difference is time