Change of Seasons

Composed 4/1/15
Description: For Day 1 of NaPoWriMo! (It’s only a little late…)

I don’t know why I am
So scared to dream
In this warm and promising spring
Perhaps I’ve spent too much
Time in the dark
My heart has crystalized
A product of such a barren winter

Shielded and unable to feel
Even the sunlight does not feel real
I guess I’ve grown too used to the shade
I no longer shun its solitude
Didn’t I once love the sun?
But
Faced with spring’s sudden glare
I balk

Independence

Composed 4/12/14
Description: (Day 12 of NaPoWriMo)

Sometimes I want to live
And not be loved
I just want
To look up as the sun beats down
And feel the brush of wind’s gentle hand
To look out over
The pinks exploding in seas of grass
The mulling of blues and blacks cast in the shadow
Of hazed yellow lights

I want to wander alone
In endless museums
Where my mind can grasp
Where my fingers can touch
The talents and stories of which I can
Barely comprehend
I need to ravage the cities
The forests
The markets
At my own pace
To be myself

And then I arrive home
And I want to be loved
As well as alive
Because I see you
Smiling, laughing, relaxed, and elegant
Perfectly content in the lack of my presence
And I
An individual
An outsider
Am too late to join

The ones I loved
Leave me
Too absorbed in each other

And suddenly
All that once brought life to my bones
Weighs me down and
Shatters the glass in my chest
And
I wish to revoke the time wasted
On my own self
Because why does it matter
If no one will cherish me
When I return?

Dreaming of Freedom

Composed 12/5/13
Description: This was originally composed for wdbwp’s poetry prompt Dream States. This prompt told us to pay attention to our dreams that week and to compose a poem based on what we remember. Though I composed this piece on time, I am horribly, horribly late in posting it. (Thank you, college.) Nonetheless, I was impressed by the imagery and symbolism my dream contained.

I think this dream says much about my current attitude toward romantic relationships.  I have recently been noting how draining  romantic relationships are.  Honestly, being single is just so much easier.  There’s not as much emotional strain — you don’t have the stress of wondering if he’s “the one” or if you’re doing things right — and you don’t have the time commitment! Your life is just so much more flexible.

Though I think this poem contains a deeper element as well, perhaps illustrating how I view my romantic past, the decisions I’ve made, and how I’ve coped.

He holds out a contract to sign
Marry me he says
Robot body guards hold me in place
And I almost consent

But flashbacks bring reality
And I crash my fist
Into the robot’s glass head
And wrap my fingers around the crucial chip
Ripping it free

The robot crumbles
And I flee in the chaos

I load up my escape pod
And use the chip to power up
Launch
And out into space I fly
Smiling
Truly smiling
For the first time in awhile

And I land
On a planet of Japanese gardens
And polished wood bathhouse floors
And I rest
Satisfied
In the beauty of sunshine
Peering in
Through sliding screen doors