Looking for…

A friend. A partner to walk with through this life. Someone to lean on, and someone to feel proud of and support. Someone sweet, someone who can make me laugh. Someone intelligent who I can talk and banter with. Love… felt and reciprocated. Loyalty… given and received with equal measure and eagerness. Someone whose company I do not tire of but seek. I’m looking for a partner.
A friend.

Composed 7/7/18

The Day After

Composed 3/25/18

Just because I’m not easy
Doesn’t mean I’m untouchable
You see
I thought confidence was sexy
A set of standards and consistent personality
Was a trait to be admired and sought for eagerly
But you won’t even try
Preferring the company of convenience
Open palms and weak, trembling knees
Any batting eyes and sly smiles that invite
Even moments after acquaintance

Perhaps it’s fruitless to preach patience
But its virtue is both yours and mine
I won’t warm your bed tonight
Any other could be your flickering candlelight
All I can promise is a lifetime of what is real, enduring
Soft good mornings and
Emotion, eloquence,
Warm fires emitting radiance
Each night a good night kiss and
Love drunk words that feel like this
And most of all confidence
In loyalty, in one and only
A unique union strong in humor and partnership
But it’s time wrapped up in commitment
It’s inefficient
It’s different

I’m homegrown
A relationship planted, nurtured, watered, and sown
Don’t misunderstand me
You are free to your microwavable convenience store romance
But perhaps the work is worth the chance
For true flavor and craftsmanship
Even if the meal ends
Your time will not be wasted
A need inside of you fully sated

Tonight is not my night
And I doubt it will ever be
But tonight I won’t let it bother me
You look and all you see are
The words used describe me
Smart, kind, spiritual
Apparently unapproachable
And you?
Missing out

On Reaching Out

Composed 1/15/18
Description: n/a

My thoughts on love have polarized, metastasized
Spreading from brain, to heart, to thighs
I cannot imagine looking into your eyes
And seeing a reflection of me inside

I’ve been on both sides
A distant, disinterested foil of pursuit
A piner who quiets without conclusion
Now I care not to even glance in your direction
Such a farfetched fantasy
I cannot even feign the words to my untold story

These butterflies
Are angst and disgust
Not lovesickness
Lovers seem like strangers
A foreigner – I will never understand
And I have failed to assimilate

Trying
Might yield something
But I’m busy
It’s embarrassing

I see others with their limited successes
Their mediocre second tries
And I cannot find
The will, the desire
To extend my arm and spread open my fingers
To reach

If fate doesn’t deliver you into my hands
I believe I will busy them
In other worthy pursuits

Unlikely Underdog 

Composed 11/26/17
Description: Inspired by life and the Daily Prompt: 
Underdog.

You borrow wit
and use it unwittingly
Plagiarizing for personal gain
Can reward even be reaped from
a minefield?

Worthy champions may traverse rough terrain
But how can they forgive
When wounded and wary they learn
you set the traps?

A drink is drunk
but drunk?
The only thing tipsy is the mind
Inhibitions unleashed by need
Not chemicals depressed, swaped, or unleashed

So that’s why I’m skeptical
It’s the endless cycle
The senseless torture
The only fault of man is his blissful ignorance or
Willingness
To be deceived for the time being
To gain some fake, small feeling

But really
It’s amazement
Some decency may be found so easily
For a poor act even temporary
But an attempt at earnesty, honesty, longevity
Is not scorned but ignored for what feels like centuries, perhaps eternity

It is
Frustrating
I must play an unlikely underdog
In a game I should be easily winning

Not Married

Composed 11/20/17
Description: A real conversation. Inspired by life and the Daily Prompt: Particular.

Why not?
You’re a nice girl
Friendly
You always seem happy
You’re attractive enough
Maybe you’re just
Particular

He speaks
The word with stealth and embarrassment like a rare spoken curse
He’s a browning leaf shaking on the limb
From the barest gust of wind

Do you have interests?
Hike? Go out? Meet people?

Like the only explanation is that
I’ve never left the house
Never met a single man

And he’s so concerned
Like I’ll be thrown out to the street
And consumed by wolves
If a man doesn’t hold my hand and lock the door

Truly
The mastication of my limbs would be a more fortunate fate
Than settling for the first nice guy
Who thought the mere reality of his presence
Was worthy of me falling to me knees in need
I would rather bleed
Than live a life where I settled for misery over
Contented seclusion
I don’t need anybody

I know someone
He’s too old though
and
married

He thinks any body will satisfy
Even if the match is completely ridiculous
I could be married a thousand times over by now
If I wasn’t
Particular
How I loathe those who think it’s a scandal to wait
For the best offer
For the right fit
To achieve genuine happiness
I am worth it

I don’t mean to invade
your personal space
I hope I didn’t offend

Spare me your patriarchy
You wish to see me sold off so desperately
You cannot hold it in
Despite the obvious violation
Of the boundary of this partnership

Don’t worry about me
I know what I’m doing

Either I marry for love and partnership
An egalitarian complement
Or I revel in my private purpose
And the freedom that attends
Rather than bend
To the will of desperation
A voice that lies as much as the concern
Positioned in your eyes

Offended (By the Internet)

Composed 9/13/17
Description: Shocking right? Well, this rant poem was inspired by a slight but dedicated vein of rage that coursed through me after some light internet browsing. Oh, and today’s Daily Prompt: Penchant.

a screenshot of a isfj description of who you usually go for in terms of dating love romance

According to a random person who
made an interpretation about
Myers-Briggs who
might have made the whole thing up
I have a penchant

For the unachievable the
prideful, uncaring bachelor who
is two (five, ten) steps behind me who
I must constantly chase
and never face as an equal in love

I love a “non-committer”
a hesitant suitor
someone who I must baby as I think about the future
someone who makes me feel
inferior

Apparently I am a sap for masochism
a woman who worships fanatics of sadism

Indeed, this might have been my fate
at one time
to love unrequitedly
to invest in time-share romance
but is it my desire
to be burned out by my own fire
while the other watches me burn
cold as unyielding steel?

My only downfall was
thinking I was worth something
and reaching
not a weakness not a
love life death wish not a
fear of commitment
just a longing for men I thought were worth it
who turned out not to be

It’s just been me
learning
and I’ve learned
to know who’s recognized my worth
to recognize interest and affection
to only give what I’ve been given
to forgive but move forward

My past does not equal
My goals
My future
I don’t cycle
I upgrade

So best be cautious with your ill-conceived zodiac memes
Don’t misinterpret me
Or bring me down
I am intelligent, savvy
I will search carefully
Seek out chemistry
And I will find love or it will find me

Confidence

Composed 4/28/15
Description: Fallen off the NaPoWriMo bandwagon a little bit. (Late nights with friends get in the way of writing sometimes.) However, I intend to make it up!

With some things I write, I feel there is something distinctly musical about it… This is one of those pieces.

I could drag you home in irons, babe
I could sell myself a god
I could work and flirt and twist you up
With a silver coated tongue
You’d forget your name and play my game
Days and weeks of fun
But you’d be used in the end abused
Myself a hollow, bitter love

Got to keep my eyes onto the skies
Not rolling down your spine
Keep my lips a drip with love
Not lies that falsely fill me up

Doing all the wrong things could get me far
But it wouldn’t get me anywhere
I won’t lose my pride
I won’t lose my soul
I don’t need sweet words to make me whole
The only way to happiness
Is a soft and sure quick confidence
The comes from heart and sky

I Think I’ll Pass

Composed 4/6/15
Description: For Day 6 of NaPoWriMo.

You long to hold another in your arms
A yearning dropped in each available line
But, alas, a chance at relationship?
Simply impossible at this time!

A night enwrapped, nuzzled, and touched
Well, that wouldn’t be asking for much
A date, one day to see what could grow
Seems too unlikely
So the answer’s no

Should I offer my body’s warmth
Our strangeness
And estrangedness
Bothers you none
Yet should I offer a piece of me
And a chance at life of love so sweet
Time seems wasted

And I understand affection
The need to be touched
I’ve lacked it often, way too much
But I’ve had it all
Without true connection
And life feels so empty
With no love
Just a body’s direction

Turn On

Composed 2/2/15
Description: A little something for Valentine’s Day.

Friends and interested lovers always ask: “So what’s your turn on?” For me, it’s always been a hard question. Sure, there are things I like, but what’s the biggest? Then it hit me: my turn on is security. It’s knowing that no matter what happens, that person will be there for me.

Security, of course, naturally resides in marriage. No significant other will ever see me at my most expressive until they vow until death do us part. Financial turmoil? Stress? Illness? Baby? If I know you and your love will be there for me, then I will find it very easy to let loose. Trust is sexy.

you may kiss my lips to show your love
run your hands down oft-traveled paths
like lock picks in search of a tumbler or three
but you will never feel the true heat of my desire
not until you leave
fingerprints on my wrist
warmth pressed to my elbow’s crease
your hands grasped around my neck
soft, forgetting to squeeze
a palm on my heart
feeling its beats
caressing each vital point
a gentle kiss to each
a seal of trust
blessing vulnerability