On Top of the Hill

Composed 6/29/17
Description: Busyness has taken me, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It creeps up all at once the future
from textbooks and essays to
apartments and salary
real world responsibilities
duties that are daunting but suddenly achievable
I honestly never thought it was feasible
to walk out and succeed with this much ease
and I’m standing on the hill looking back
at all the paths I’ve taken and the people
I’ve collected on that journey
and how each of them lifted me and how
God has had a hand in guiding things
And I think…
I’ve made my decisions decently
I enjoy this
unique branch of reality in this parallel universe
I look forward and see misty possibilities
I might have found my true calling
I just have to keep moving forward to see

Living the Dream

Composed 1/12/17
Description: As a soon-to-be-graduated graduate student, I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. It’s easy to get lost in the hum-drum of thinking about jobs and apartments and money.  But no matter what the future holds as far as all that goes, this is the best case scenario. For today’s Daily Prompt: Someday.

Sinking into warm cushions and
Opening my arms to you
Melting into the mindless hum of
Entertainment droning on and on as I
Distance myself from the day and
Admire the warmth of your skin and smile
Yearning for nothing

Academia

Composed 1/28/16
Description: Playing devil’s advocate here a bit with this.

We stare out the sun-stained windows
As the man, masqueraded, lilts lofty lovelies
About human strength and power
Possibilities
Of futures where we thrive instead of survive
We should be striving
For positivity!
But we turn dazed, daydreamed eyes
To harsh white and artificial light
Of our present circumstance
And our smiling savior speaks
He says
The man is winning
So play along
Take this book
Learn to tear a man down
That’s the only way you’ll live in this town
So we play
For days and months and years
And
Nothing changes
Just our words
Scream out into the night

After

Composed 5/12/15
Description: n/a

I feel so empty
After release
So much tension
Finally appeased
But what comes next?
What’s my true goal?
I now work for nothing
I shield a hollow soul

What happens when my tasks are complete?
What happens when I check off my list?
Expected tasks dutifully performed
I lack direction
Ignorant of my gifts

Freedom is my burden
Opportunity wasted in this life
I cling to established rhythms
Scared to color outside the lines

But now I feel so empty
When my day is done
I just hope there is a Plan for me
I hope I’m not the one only

In Vain, Perhaps, I Wait

Composed 4/22/15
Description: For Day 21 of NaPoWriMo.

All I’ve got are roots and stems
Grown in deep though I long to move
A few leaves pop
Practical, survival
There’s a few, small, budding blooms
Yet I fret
Have I watered enough?
Did I even plant in a suitable place?
I try to wait for those buds to bloom
But the frost is coming
So I sigh
And pace
Will I ever see rewards?
Color from the toil of my hands?
I fear the sun will never come
I’ll starve
Or burn

Possible You

Composed 2/27/14
Description: My LAST assignment for Writing 201: Poetry. Our final challenge was a sonnet about the future using chiasmus. I struggled and struggled about whether to go funny about future inventions or serious about the problems my whole generation faces (being forced to choose a career at a young age mixed with dreadful uncertainty about finding work, etc.)… but, in the end I thought, hey, it’s a sonnet. Let’s make it about love.

I don’t know if I’ve seen your face
Or heard sweet whispers from your lips
Likely I’ve not beheld your grace
Touched your hand, let slip a kiss

You’re not a shadow of my past
Nor a friend who walks beside
Instead, the sun in which I bask
Steady at the horizon’s line

My future’s filled with my unknowns
Though I plot and scheme to picture each
But you’re not a thing to plan or grow
You’re a questionable concept not surely reached

So I dream of a possible you each day
Of a possible you I dream and pray

Last of Days

Composed about 5/8/14
Description: A poem composed around the last few class days of the last semester of my college career.

What am I to say on these last of days?
as I write the last words on the last chapter’s page?
I feel no elation or intense sorrow
about the events taking place in the morrow.
I hear voices – bright, awed, and reserved –
but I stare at bare walls – quiet, undisturbed.
What should I think as I rest my head
for the final time on my four year bed?
It was a good time. I hope I remember
the laughs, the facts, every spring and December
I feel different. Have I changed for the better?
In some ways I’ve got it down to the letter.
But I’ve also learned of my imperfections
and falter to swing in new directions.
But as I leave I know I understand more –
of friendship, myself, and future doors.
I owe so much to my friends and my Lord,
And now He says it’s time to move

Forward

Need a Jump

Composed 4/16/14
Description: (Day 16 of NaPoWriMo) Today’s poem was inspired by my car, which wouldn’t start thankyouverymuch. However, the sputtering of my ailing car battery did speak to me.

I
rush through the rooms of life
and slip on facts, theories, stats
snorting knowledge up the nose
and packing BS in the gaps
I stuff some sense inside my head
and pick up, stack up fun and friends
and push it, pump it to my heart
then rip it out as life begins
Guzzling advice at every turn
for schools, for jobs, fashion, and men
never thinking of my loves
but only where I could get in
And still I swipe up all the keys
that they say will lead to success
and now as I hit the door
I’m dragged down by this collaged mess

And I’m
stomping, sliding
round and round
down the stairs to destiny
And regardless of my preparing
I’m still rushed, naïve, not ready

I
unlock the door
I
jam in the keys
and I spuh-spuh-sputter
sputter on

And no wonder
‘cause I’ve been on
and never ceasing
and yet all you are expecting
for me to just continue racing

Won’t you just let me
recharge?

Valentine’s Day

Composed 2/14/14
Description: This one is posted a little late due to the distraction of school and the posting of other things. However, yes, here it finally is: my certainly sought-after thoughts during Valentine’s Day this year.

I go to bed early on
Valentine’s Day
And yet I’m the last awake
Three others dream carelessly around me
Of twirling and gliding
Of adventures and meaning found in foreign lands
And of a future shared with one loved
And loving unconditionally

But I drowsily must wonder
Of what meaning my life holds
What loves can I embrace?
What talents can I give?
What joys can I catch?
For I have never known
And no one will tell me
This Valentine’s Day

Wanderer

Composed 8/5/13
Description: A day late posting of yesterday’s Daily Prompt: Ballerina Fireman Astronaut Movie Star. (I did write it yesterday; other things just distracted me from posting it.) Anyway, as a college student approaching her senior year, I think about this question of “what do I want to be when I grow up” often. As a child I really never had a solid idea, and even though I almost have my major now, I still face endless possibilities, and my desire changes weekly.

I could never read the stars
Or find my path in dusty books
I wandered along with the wind
Letting it push
Here
There
Anywhere

I had no plan
My guide strangely silent
As a child I loved the wind
Its push
The possibilities
But now I long for a wooden path
And an outspoken escort
I don’t mind the where
As long as there is one

I could run in so many directions
And win the race in all
But which will hold the grandest prize?
I agonize
Which trail to take?