Fall Apart

Composed 11/2/16
Description: Stress. It’s my life. Certainly until December, probably until August, maybe forever. Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Bludgeon

Does it come as a tap?
Nay
Nor even a shove
But like torrent rains it comes suddenly
Roaring
From above
And forever and always
Endless reams
Bludgeoning
Constantly
And I’m ripping at the seams

A famine exists
But when will it appear?
Not day nor weeks
Perhaps months or years
But can I take the hammer
Until the sunshine leaks through?
Can I even live
When I’m living black and blue?

NU 203

Composed 3/25/16
Description: A rare prose piece from me. A description of a place in which I am forced to reside once a week for several hours…

It’s a hulking, ancient building amidst a concrete jungle. Today, gray – sky, air, rain. Inside, mud-spattered, dust accented patterned tile, arranged in ill-advised juxtaposition. The place is obviously old, without renovation since its original ribbon cutting, crafted by the wrinkled hands and bills of ancient cults of bald, spectacled men smoking cigars by the sparking fireplace. The endless faces of its patrons, a thousand eyes, stare, watch, smile blandly in their frames. Souls captured and sold – a warning, a premonition, a foreshadowing. Have they ever really left this place?

You turn and enter between gaps of cursed guardians. Perfectly square, dull tan and beige, the place boxes you in. A prison of monochrome uniformity. The metal chairs screech against the dull tile floor like demons clawing their way out of hell.

It is more a prison than any prison I know, giant concrete blocks and all. Only now the prison is a whitewashed reflection of high school nightmares, combining confinement with insecurity, awkwardness, and incurable boredom.

Not even windows give a peek into the outside world. Buzzing florescents coat the room in an aura of delusion. Reality vanishes in favor of a buttercream LSD trip. A power surge would send us scrambling into complete darkness. Not a shred of natural light filters through the cracks in slab. And the steaming heat, like the flames of hell, siphon away your desire to live, to go on…

The place sucks battery life even faster than it sucks out your soul. Technology dies rapidly as it reaches out for contact, any signal of hope, of life beyond these walls.

But no one answers. Only the drone of the establishment and the groans of your peers interrupt the silence…

Academia

Composed 1/28/16
Description: Playing devil’s advocate here a bit with this.

We stare out the sun-stained windows
As the man, masqueraded, lilts lofty lovelies
About human strength and power
Possibilities
Of futures where we thrive instead of survive
We should be striving
For positivity!
But we turn dazed, daydreamed eyes
To harsh white and artificial light
Of our present circumstance
And our smiling savior speaks
He says
The man is winning
So play along
Take this book
Learn to tear a man down
That’s the only way you’ll live in this town
So we play
For days and months and years
And
Nothing changes
Just our words
Scream out into the night

My Lips Fall Silent

Composed 1/11/16
Description: A very journalistic entry today. School begins tomorrow, but I feel as if the odds are not in my favor… 

my lips fall silent as
the worries bubble up
they dance on my tongue but must be swallowed
so they clog my throat and
my lips fall silent as I choke
on the thought of fresh snowflakes
falling on the morning drive
over ice
piling up and white and high
and if I live I am thrown into
unknown setups and time consumers
hours of work and broken pencils, stubbed erasers,
vague directions, and yearning, printers whirring
worthy learning but new and the drive and
my lips fall silent because
they stole me out of my comfort zone so
I am forced to roam in the cold and snow
while suffering from an ill-timed sickness
that bleeds me dry more swiftly than my mind
buzzing with thoughts that slide like the ice of
which I fret and stutter like my Internet
and are covered, muted by frigid white
that bites like change and money spent
on endless papers and graded judgement and
my lips fall silent

so many thoughts
where will they land?
I guess on the page
that’s the only place they can