Valentine’s Day

Composed 2/14/14
Description: This one is posted a little late due to the distraction of school and the posting of other things. However, yes, here it finally is: my certainly sought-after thoughts during Valentine’s Day this year.

I go to bed early on
Valentine’s Day
And yet I’m the last awake
Three others dream carelessly around me
Of twirling and gliding
Of adventures and meaning found in foreign lands
And of a future shared with one loved
And loving unconditionally

But I drowsily must wonder
Of what meaning my life holds
What loves can I embrace?
What talents can I give?
What joys can I catch?
For I have never known
And no one will tell me
This Valentine’s Day

In the Shadows

Composed 1/1/14
Description: A rather unhappy start to the new year, I’ll admit, but I can’t deny these thoughts have been on my mind lately – and in reference to many of my friendships.  I will be interested to see if/how things change by next January first.

A merry thought turns quickly sober
When I realize how limited my joy must be
Even frequent, silly communications
Cease abruptly
When another enters and whisks them away
With talk of destiny, of everlasting
And yet I neglect them
As if their future is guaranteed
And my own fate dims and idles
In a horizon without a silhouette
Yet I must blame myself and not the gods
For this solitude is my own choosing
But how much easier it would be to stand behind someone
If I was not always second

Winter

Composed 11/29/11
Description: This is a poem I wrote several years ago; though, it is  one that continues to be relevant to me. I saved posting it until now (for obvious reasons).

It’s not summer when I miss you
When the sun is warm on my skin
And shining
And there’s running
And laughter
And fresh water
Splashing against my face

It’s winter
When snow falls and we bundle up
Eager for warmth
Eager to cling to each other
To sit by the fire
And hold deep conversations
While drinking hot chocolate

That is when I look up
To the sky and wonder
Where you are

It’s winter when I long for
The exhilarating rush of
The frigid wind whipping my cheeks and
Laughter as we crash
Rolling around in the snow

It’s winter
When we are thankful for each other
And eager to please others
To love
And be loved

Tactile Hallucinations

Composed 11/14/13
Description: I blame this title on the abnormal psychology quiz I’m studying for. Fun fact: these types of hallucinations are most common in situations of withdrawal.

I miss the things
That never were
The brush and touch
Of which I’m unsure
My fingertips
Untouched
Still burn
My heart, unbidden,
Won’t cease to yearn
My unfilled arms
And cold pale skin
Miss the solid
That was never him
His soft sweet pecks
That never pressed
I’ve tried to forget
But I’m obsessed

Just Ignore Me, Really

Composed 10/1/13
Description: n/a

What must I do to set myself apart
From those bleached little sweet things
Yearning for your hand
You shame even them
With your elegant rejection
Cool distance and furrowed brow

And me
How often I’m overshadowed
So surely you don’t even notice
It’s just ingrained
My place in your mind
Your heart

Perhaps you’re right
To wait and listen
To your head and not your chest
At least you know which is speaking

My head
The inside
The only part of me worth your complements
And yet
It’s enough

What am I saying?
If it was destiny
I’d be ripping out my heart
But maybe I only stop
Because I know you don’t like to see blood

Instead I wait where it’s safe
Lovers are close but
Friends are closer
If it’s meant to be
You will see
Someday when your need is great
I am here
I will wait

Single with a Car

Composed 9/2/13
Description: Simply, this was my night. My roommate’s boyfriend is in town (without a car), and his friend was busy so I picked him up. Then I had to (eventually) drive him home. I ended up writing this in an attempt to stay awake while I waited for them to finish visiting. Figures, as soon as it’s done, they’re ready to leave.

Leaning on the edge of madness
that comes from exhaustion
and the prohibition of sleep
Listening to the silence
that comes from lovers staying private
deafening to the mind of the lonely
and impossible to break
though you suffer
because doing so makes you
(not the time, not the rules)
the villain
But how can a villain not arise
when tortured
with consciousness
and listening
and knowing?
And then having to drive
The tormentor home?

Tonight

Composed 8/31/13
Description: Sorry for the brief hiatus. Between moving back to college and attending many fun events, I’ve not had time to sit down and write much lately. However, tonight gave me opportunity and inspiration simultaneously. It’s my second night in my apartment on campus… and all my roommates have disappeared, leaving me quite alone. And, thus, Tonight.

Embracing the warmth
Of a hug and fresh tea
Followed by twirls
And effortless leaps
Floating and gliding
Like a bird on the sea
Sadly tonight
That girl isn’t me

Listening, learning
About what’s rarely seen
Praying and working
To meet others’ needs
Doing it all
With sincerity’s gleam
Sadly tonight
That girl isn’t me

Heart pumps, excitement
A blush in her cheeks
Marveling if
He’s as great as he seems
Talking and laughing
Life’s harms seem to flee
Sadly tonight
That girl isn’t me

Trapped in a house
Strange, barren, stuffy
Pencils and paper
Her sole company
With too much time for
Reminiscing
Indeed, tonight
That girl is me

Skeleton

Composed 7/26/13
Description: We do not only need food to survive.

I could live without the feast
If permitted bits of bread
An occasional scrap of steaming meat
Small wrapped chocolates on holidays
At least then I’d have a taste
Of hope

But I sit here starving
Gulping water to fight the pains
To my left and right
They snack contently
Others gorging
Cheeks round and red with warmth

I’m
A skeleton
No one pays mind
To my stares
My pale, shrunken cheeks
Too distracted with their own joy
And I’m left alone to wither