On Reaching Out

Composed 1/15/18
Description: n/a

My thoughts on love have polarized, metastasized
Spreading from brain, to heart, to thighs
I cannot imagine looking into your eyes
And seeing a reflection of me inside

I’ve been on both sides
A distant, disinterested foil of pursuit
A piner who quiets without conclusion
Now I care not to even glance in your direction
Such a farfetched fantasy
I cannot even feign the words to my untold story

These butterflies
Are angst and disgust
Not lovesickness
Lovers seem like strangers
A foreigner – I will never understand
And I have failed to assimilate

Trying
Might yield something
But I’m busy
It’s embarrassing

I see others with their limited successes
Their mediocre second tries
And I cannot find
The will, the desire
To extend my arm and spread open my fingers
To reach

If fate doesn’t deliver you into my hands
I believe I will busy them
In other worthy pursuits

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Love Letter

Composed: 12/28/17
Description: To keep it short and sweet, this is a reaction to some conversations I’ve been apart of/overheard lately
. I’ll try and let the piece speak for itself.

Darling
I don’t want to love you like I love a crescent moon
Where I only love to see your face when most is out of view
Instead I want to bask as your whole self radiates
Where shadows, bumps, and craters make my struck heart palpitate

Darling
I want a partner
Not a child, not a put up with
I want to take pleasure in your presence
Not your absence
To take comfort from your closeness
Not your distance

Darling
I promise not to settle
I promise to wait for you
To avoid the doom of sighs and gossip
To be proud
To support you even when alone
Because I picked you and love you for all of you
Because your broken pieces are like kintsugi
Not detracting from your beauty
But making it

Darling let me love you like a song
For your beat, for your highs and lows
For the words I just instinctively know
Not perfect, not always
But there’s a connection and
It’s all pleasure to me
Let me love you like a song
That I always love to sing

Offended (By the Internet)

Composed 9/13/17
Description: Shocking right? Well, this rant poem was inspired by a slight but dedicated vein of rage that coursed through me after some light internet browsing. Oh, and today’s Daily Prompt: Penchant.

a screenshot of a isfj description of who you usually go for in terms of dating love romance

According to a random person who
made an interpretation about
Myers-Briggs who
might have made the whole thing up
I have a penchant

For the unachievable the
prideful, uncaring bachelor who
is two (five, ten) steps behind me who
I must constantly chase
and never face as an equal in love

I love a “non-committer”
a hesitant suitor
someone who I must baby as I think about the future
someone who makes me feel
inferior

Apparently I am a sap for masochism
a woman who worships fanatics of sadism

Indeed, this might have been my fate
at one time
to love unrequitedly
to invest in time-share romance
but is it my desire
to be burned out by my own fire
while the other watches me burn
cold as unyielding steel?

My only downfall was
thinking I was worth something
and reaching
not a weakness not a
love life death wish not a
fear of commitment
just a longing for men I thought were worth it
who turned out not to be

It’s just been me
learning
and I’ve learned
to know who’s recognized my worth
to recognize interest and affection
to only give what I’ve been given
to forgive but move forward

My past does not equal
My goals
My future
I don’t cycle
I upgrade

So best be cautious with your ill-conceived zodiac memes
Don’t misinterpret me
Or bring me down
I am intelligent, savvy
I will search carefully
Seek out chemistry
And I will find love or it will find me

The Curse of Old Loves

Composed 9/10/17
Description: Inspired by life and today’s Daily Prompt: Peculiar. A poem about moving on.

Peculiar
How we cling to the familiar
Even when we know it’s no good
He returns to old comfort
Though he knows it has failed
Venom seeping through the fingertips and lips
And clogging all paths to the heart
But he is welcomed
With a smile and soft eyes
With warmth
With kind words and old love songs
With good intentions, perhaps
But it’s a curse –
He’s poisoned but pleased
Pleasure brings him back and habits form
The longer it endures the more he is addicted and
The more harmed
The more he is unable to break free but
He can anticipate and follow routine
It’s easy
It’s hard to change, move on
Try something new
But if you keep returning to the past
You miss out on what’s in front of you
And the future never comes

Critical Fail

Composed 9/1/17
Description: This is a dance concrete poem for all the lovers gamers. Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Critical

with
every breath and
every step I blow on the dice
and pray as I make this attempt for I
an unrefined commoner with only modest
qualities make it at great disadvantage
I gamble but yet I am not the
one I just rolled that
way

Prayer

Composed 8/27/17
Description: n/a

Oh Lord
Please save me from a narrow mind and a limited perspective
As You are the only one who can truly know another
I am unable to appreciate the intricacies of any other’s situation
I am only permitted to live inside this one skin
To view the world through this set of eyes and process stimuli
Though this one, routine tilled mind
I cannot feel the sensations of another’s heart
Feel the burn of pain or passion in their veins
So save me from saying
I understand flippantly in conversation
For I know I never could
Compel me to remember…
To always listen before I speak
To earnestly seek to understand
And to use my own voice only in support of others
To give credit where credit is due
And to respect the boundaries that have been placed
In response to oppression and stripped identity
And I pray not only for me
But for all like me
As we are all tempted and blinded by demons and
Seductive voices that whisper of the convenience of superiority, ignorance, and hate
I pray
That we will all remember Your teachings
And be open to receiving Your perspective so
Your love and acceptance may permeate all of our interactions
And most importantly I pray that all who find these words
Will see them as a plea made in sincerity
That they
Will confront themselves as they ponder this request
As these words are not just pretty things
But a reminder that Your word challenges them and challenges me.

You

Composed 2/7/17
Description: n/a

It’s not that I desire just
Any figure by my side
Or just any hand or any pair of eyes
But absolutely, specifically
The person that is you
The smile that you give
And the quips that just you do
But most of all I just wish
To look in your specific eyes
Hold your specific hand as
We stand there side by side
And press my lips to you
Lovingly

Living the Dream

Composed 1/12/17
Description: As a soon-to-be-graduated graduate student, I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. It’s easy to get lost in the hum-drum of thinking about jobs and apartments and money.  But no matter what the future holds as far as all that goes, this is the best case scenario. For today’s Daily Prompt: Someday.

Sinking into warm cushions and
Opening my arms to you
Melting into the mindless hum of
Entertainment droning on and on as I
Distance myself from the day and
Admire the warmth of your skin and smile
Yearning for nothing

I Do

Composed 10/12/16
Description: Wanted to try something different and get some inspiration for today’s Daily Prompt, so I researched some poetic forms for fun. Found the cute little nonet, in which you start at nine syllables and take one away each line until you get to one. “Nonet” is believed to be the word for a group of nine performers or instruments; thus, it is likely a form inspired by music. And, indeed, I think it has a very musical ring. Surprised at how quickly it came together. 

At nine in the morning I hear it
The tone of your thoughts rings out loud
I float on clouds and sunbeams
As the sky blues and grays
Then I remember
Think I’ll respond
Tomorrow
Promise
Love

Alternative

Composed 8/2/16
Description: n/a

There’s something romantic
About those hard gray songs with
Their open, blunt, and silly words
That play loud on short road trips
That somehow connect to me

I wish I could write you one
And sneak it onto the airways
Lace it with words that would spell your name
As the DJ gave you mine

Feel the guitar riffs through your finger tips
As the bass resets your heart
Let the sound sink in and please you
Let the energy radiate, make you grin
I hope it’s a song you’ll hear again

You’ve been hidden in static speakers
Muffled and compressed
Loving hands hid your complexity and sound
And the radio censored your messages

Now do I listen only because I can?
Have I been bewitched simply by the sound?
Perhaps I’ve fallen into the music and lost my ground
And now I hesitate
This could be my favorite song or perhaps you’re just
An alternative