Ataraxy

Composed 1/19/15
Description: Ataraxy: a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety (dictionary.com)

I actually wrote this and then, an hour or so later, I found this word. It described the feeling I was searching for so perfectly I made it the title.

Your intention is well meant I know
But it’s mixed with some obligation
Meanwhile I am consumed in my own world
With little interest to disengage
In fact
Only anger and frustration consume my heart
At your kindness
For it is kindness
You are my friend
And I do not wish to offend
But I cannot leave this place

I spend so many hours in your company
Have I not earned a day alone
Without the threat of controversy
I just wish for
Peace

When All Are Asleep

Composed 6/24/14
Description: Am I dead? In fact I am not, though the inactivity of this blog surely made you lovely few devoted readers of mine wonder. I have no great excuses for this. Indeed, I did graduate college in early May and have been stressing over the uncertainty of my future. However, I have had ample time to write (and, indeed, a few ideas even)… I just have been lacking muse and motivation as of late.

However, this evening some verses did occur to me quite clearly. I hope you enjoy, and I hope to get back on the blogging bandwagon.

It’s in the night in the silence
That I find my muse
When other minds rest, unhearing
And for some soft hours I am truly unobserved
The only mind churning among inanimate beings

It’s so freeing to not be judged
For even in my silence others wonder
And think of me
But now I am truly allowed to make my own way unobstructed
To recline or run or think of silliness
Or the mystic workings of life

And yet it’s embarrassing that in this freedom
My strangely clear and vibrant mind
Splashes colors that end in an image of you
That the words in my mind fall into sentences
Describing scenes and sorrows of the past

And I give up my freedom
To grasp a few spare lines from you
That, despite my efforts, falter and fall within moments
While my mind hums the line
People never change

I am alone
Thinking clearly
Remembering rejection
But strangely at peace
When all are asleep