The Day After

Composed 3/25/18

Just because I’m not easy
Doesn’t mean I’m untouchable
You see
I thought confidence was sexy
A set of standards and consistent personality
Was a trait to be admired and sought for eagerly
But you won’t even try
Preferring the company of convenience
Open palms and weak, trembling knees
Any batting eyes and sly smiles that invite
Even moments after acquaintance

Perhaps it’s fruitless to preach patience
But its virtue is both yours and mine
I won’t warm your bed tonight
Any other could be your flickering candlelight
All I can promise is a lifetime of what is real, enduring
Soft good mornings and
Emotion, eloquence,
Warm fires emitting radiance
Each night a good night kiss and
Love drunk words that feel like this
And most of all confidence
In loyalty, in one and only
A unique union strong in humor and partnership
But it’s time wrapped up in commitment
It’s inefficient
It’s different

I’m homegrown
A relationship planted, nurtured, watered, and sown
Don’t misunderstand me
You are free to your microwavable convenience store romance
But perhaps the work is worth the chance
For true flavor and craftsmanship
Even if the meal ends
Your time will not be wasted
A need inside of you fully sated

Tonight is not my night
And I doubt it will ever be
But tonight I won’t let it bother me
You look and all you see are
The words used describe me
Smart, kind, spiritual
Apparently unapproachable
And you?
Missing out

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Witchcraft

Composed 11/19/17
Description: Not so subtly inspired by my last post.

Don’t fear me
I have a disarming smile
And a degree in reflective listening
I was raised and trained with a customer service philosophy
I will not raise my voice
I will not contradict
So don’t fear me
Fear my pen
If you are rude or condescending
If you cloak yourself in arrogance and embrace ignorance
You will be a victim of the written word
Woven into rhyme, metaphor, and simile in my poetry
Masking your identity and yet
When in some happenstance you read
These rhymes and vague-told stories
I hope it makes you feel somehow, distinctly
Uneasy

Offended (By the Internet)

Composed 9/13/17
Description: Shocking right? Well, this rant poem was inspired by a slight but dedicated vein of rage that coursed through me after some light internet browsing. Oh, and today’s Daily Prompt: Penchant.

According to a random person who
made an interpretation about
Myers-Briggs who
might have made the whole thing up
I have a penchant

For the unachievable the
prideful, uncaring bachelor who
is two (five, ten) steps behind me who
I must constantly chase
and never face as an equal in love

I love a “non-committer”
a hesitant suitor
someone who I must baby as I think about the future
someone who makes me feel
inferior

Apparently I am a sap for masochism
a woman who worships fanatics of sadism

Indeed, this might have been my fate
at one time
to love unrequitedly
to invest in time-share romance
but is it my desire
to be burned out by my own fire
while the other watches me burn
cold as unyielding steel?

My only downfall was
thinking I was worth something
and reaching
not a weakness not a
love life death wish not a
fear of commitment
just a longing for men I thought were worth it
who turned out not to be

It’s just been me
learning
and I’ve learned
to know who’s recognized my worth
to recognize interest and affection
to only give what I’ve been given
to forgive but move forward

My past does not equal
My goals
My future
I don’t cycle
I upgrade

So best be cautious with your ill-conceived zodiac memes
Don’t misinterpret me
Or bring me down
I am intelligent, savvy
I will search carefully
Seek out chemistry
And I will find love or it will find me

An Innocent Deflection

Composed 10/15/16
Description: A journalistic ramble today, inspired by life and today’s Daily Prompt: Subdued.

Nearly two years at this job and I’ve never
Done this
Not for anyone and I’m sure
My opposite has never done it, would
Never do it but that’s another story
The fact is I know you’re behind
But I have things to do yet
I do it perhaps
I’m just a doormat but
A steaming one

Yet
The end of the day rolls around you
Take time to pop your head in the door
Say
Thank you I appreciate it so much
And I can say nothing but
No problem
Because that feels good and now
I’m glad I did it for you
I knew I liked you

My Lips Fall Silent

Composed 1/11/16
Description: A very journalistic entry today. School begins tomorrow, but I feel as if the odds are not in my favor… 

my lips fall silent as
the worries bubble up
they dance on my tongue but must be swallowed
so they clog my throat and
my lips fall silent as I choke
on the thought of fresh snowflakes
falling on the morning drive
over ice
piling up and white and high
and if I live I am thrown into
unknown setups and time consumers
hours of work and broken pencils, stubbed erasers,
vague directions, and yearning, printers whirring
worthy learning but new and the drive and
my lips fall silent because
they stole me out of my comfort zone so
I am forced to roam in the cold and snow
while suffering from an ill-timed sickness
that bleeds me dry more swiftly than my mind
buzzing with thoughts that slide like the ice of
which I fret and stutter like my Internet
and are covered, muted by frigid white
that bites like change and money spent
on endless papers and graded judgement and
my lips fall silent

so many thoughts
where will they land?
I guess on the page
that’s the only place they can

On Apologies

Composed 5/1/15
Description: My last, slightly belated entry for NaPoWriMo. This month has been a course in writing when not necessarily inspired. Which is great, because I think there’s always something of note we can write about during each day — even if we have to blow it out of proportion a little more than we might necessarily do during a light reminisce.

we spend too much time apologizing
for being who we are
hushing up and analyzing
after every sentence that seems to fall short

don’t make up unless you’ve done wrong
don’t assume your feelings match reality
a constant stream of I’m sorries
is not endearing

have an opinion
state it
do what you believe is right
don’t regret it
inquire of uncertainties
but apology is not a default reaction
seeking forgiveness is not always necessary

listen to me
I do not lie
don’t throw yourself at my feet
when I walk through mud unoffended
I don’t want it
I want your confidence