Consent

Composed 12/16/17
Description:  Inspired by life and the Daily Prompt: Meager.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

— Eleanor Roosevelt

I had already given myself the talk
My worth is not based on
accomplishment, talent

I had already given up
talentless, hopeless
I should move on, forget it
This hobby, this dream

Then expectation overturned, reversed
giddiness, excitement
All was not as it seemed

Then passion, pride burned
In my chest as I freed
My own heart from this self-inflicted curse
Merely a meager word
Changed the course
Of my own history

Realization, turns pensive
Despite my faculties
I still allow others to own me

Taken

Composed 2/14/17
Description: For today’s Daily Prompt: Expectation.

The word lands like a natural disaster
I knew it was coming
Felt it in the earth beneath my feet
But I’m still thrown about
Hit in the heart with debris
I try to hide the hidden
Paper in my pocket
At night take it out
Read the pencil
Name faded soft on the outside
But I don’t rip it to pieces

It’s time to forget I know
And I numb my mind with
Friends and laughs and games
I feel better
I know better
And yet the night sends stories
To my dreams
And yet still I plot and scheme for
Every day I’m afraid you’ll meet
My expectations
But you’re already taken

We Forget

Composed 3/3/14
Description: Do you ever hear anything, and it just hits you? Recently I’ve been hearing a lot of bad news, several rumors, and it just made me remember how little we really know about one another, how we have no idea what’s going on in another person’s head. And sometimes we don’t know until it’s too late.

So saliently I sense
The piercing of my own heart
That my mind lapses and
Skips
Over the trials of others

I forget that it’s not
I
Alone
That suffocates under the
Grip of isolation
It’s not just I who
Gags on the
Sour twinge of rejection

My brothers
Have been kicked out of their hearts
And wander in the wastelands of their minds
My sisters
Reside in their hearts as they’re breaking
And let their woe bleed out
In silence

My friends
We all shuffle
Instead of face one another
With our affliction
Because we forget
We’re all afflicted

But healing only comes
Under the synthesis
Of many minds
Of many hands

Unrequited

Composed 11/5/13
Description: Sorry for the long hiatus! School’s been killing me. But life has a way of smacking you with muse now and again.

I have accepted
The clouds that obscure
Any chance of sunlight
But I still bask in want
In the rays that pass through

Indeed I melt
Merely sensing your presence through the clouds
Long streams of warmth
Run and bubble under my fingertips
And the heat ebbs and flows
Across my neck and ear

How my knees tremble
At the smoky atmosphere that could be
If only I could stroke your face
Without getting burned

But I cannot help it
I still love
What is irrevocably refused

Just Ignore Me, Really

Composed 10/1/13
Description: n/a

What must I do to set myself apart
From those bleached little sweet things
Yearning for your hand
You shame even them
With your elegant rejection
Cool distance and furrowed brow

And me
How often I’m overshadowed
So surely you don’t even notice
It’s just ingrained
My place in your mind
Your heart

Perhaps you’re right
To wait and listen
To your head and not your chest
At least you know which is speaking

My head
The inside
The only part of me worth your complements
And yet
It’s enough

What am I saying?
If it was destiny
I’d be ripping out my heart
But maybe I only stop
Because I know you don’t like to see blood

Instead I wait where it’s safe
Lovers are close but
Friends are closer
If it’s meant to be
You will see
Someday when your need is great
I am here
I will wait

You’d Have To

Composed: 4/17/13
Description: This was inspired by a comment my professor made in my personality theory class. He told us that we did not fall in love with our hearts, but with our brains. He looked at the boy sitting next to me and told him that if he wanted ME to fall in love with him, he’d have to “reorganize [my] brain” to do so. Wasn’t that right? I laughed silently, knowing it would take almost an impossible amount of “brain reorganization” for me to fall head over heels for this particular person. But instead of being mean, I shrugged and replied: “I guess.” But my meanness inspired this somewhat sassy poem.

You’d have to reorganize my brain
To get me to fall in love with you
You’d have to block all my synapses
And send them somewhere new

You’d have to chain me to a chair
Take a scalpel to my frontal lobe
And take out all the chunks
That loathe you, I suppose

Sadly, though, for you
By then half my brain’d be gone
I’d be a happy zombie
Then again
That’s what you want

Sorry to inform you that
I will not be moved
Place one electrode on my scalp
And I’ll turn you black and blue

I am my own person
My brain is that – my own
If you want compliance
Then, boy, just hit the road.

I’d Forgotten

Composed 4/6/13
Description: Another personal piece. Basically some thoughts I’ve been having lately.

I’d forgotten
I’d forgotten the good things about you
Your voice, your words
The laugh I can pick out of a crowd

I’d forgotten
Your mind, the wit and gravity
Mixed together
To make me laugh and sigh

I’d forgotten
The way my heart pounds when I think I’m on your mind
The nervousness swirling in my arms
A feeling closer to love
Than I’ve ever felt before

I know now
That I had my chance and I missed it
So many opportunities to show I cared
And it didn’t cross my mind
And I don’t know why

But the more I think
The more I am sure it was a way to save my heart
To end the cycle
Of smiles and hope and rejection

I’d forgotten
I’d forgotten the bad too
The way I seek your attention
Only to be met with a wall

I’d forgotten
How often I try to impress you
Be with you
When I think all is grand

I’d forgotten
The way my heart collapses
And I can’t breathe
When I sense your dismissal
And you make me feel like a fool

I am torn
Do I want you in my life?
Or will it just result in strife?
I’d forgotten
I almost love you
But you don’t love me