Not Married

Composed 11/20/17
Description: A real conversation. Inspired by life and the Daily Prompt: Particular.

Why not?
You’re a nice girl
Friendly
You always seem happy
You’re attractive enough
Maybe you’re just
Particular

He speaks
The word with stealth and embarrassment like a rare spoken curse
He’s a browning leaf shaking on the limb
From the barest gust of wind

Do you have interests?
Hike? Go out? Meet people?

Like the only explanation is that
I’ve never left the house
Never met a single man

And he’s so concerned
Like I’ll be thrown out to the street
And consumed by wolves
If a man doesn’t hold my hand and lock the door

Truly
The mastication of my limbs would be a more fortunate fate
Than settling for the first nice guy
Who thought the mere reality of his presence
Was worthy of me falling to me knees in need
I would rather bleed
Than live a life where I settled for misery over
Contented seclusion
I don’t need anybody

I know someone
He’s too old though
and
married

He thinks any body will satisfy
Even if the match is completely ridiculous
I could be married a thousand times over by now
If I wasn’t
Particular
How I loathe those who think it’s a scandal to wait
For the best offer
For the right fit
To achieve genuine happiness
I am worth it

I don’t mean to invade
your personal space
I hope I didn’t offend

Spare me your patriarchy
You wish to see me sold off so desperately
You cannot hold it in
Despite the obvious violation
Of the boundary of this partnership

Don’t worry about me
I know what I’m doing

Either I marry for love and partnership
An egalitarian complement
Or I revel in my private purpose
And the freedom that attends
Rather than bend
To the will of desperation
A voice that lies as much as the concern
Positioned in your eyes

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Calloused

Composed 11/9/17
Description: Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Gingerly.

With you there’s only eggshells
For you are an electric fire
Any prodding emits sparks
Water begets electrocution
Discussion – only more smoke
More tears
I fear
So I just bury you in sand and walk on eggshells
So oft I’ve tread these paths
Most times I don’t even feel

Variety

Composed 9/15/17
Description: A little tidbit of advice, inspired by life and today’s Daily Prompt: Flavorful.

Tastebuds changed
Were planted
After careful cultivation
Grown over years
Budded and
Bloomed
Tended to
Never harvested
Rarely pruned
Run amok
Vines sprouting, crawling, overtaking
Setting more to root
More seeds, more buds, more blooms
Suddenly no room for anything else

And then the rot comes in

Disease, nausea, death
Then there’s nothing left
No moving on
Just spending the rest of days
Searching for a shadow, an exact replica

Only disappointment waits if
This searching becomes fate
And when it’s found
The taste courses through and triggers
Shivering memories of sickness
And it only heaves and never leaves
If one only consumes the same that instigated illness
So be through with it
There are more flavors out in the world
That’s why they call variety
The spice of life

Offended (By the Internet)

Composed 9/13/17
Description: Shocking right? Well, this rant poem was inspired by a slight but dedicated vein of rage that coursed through me after some light internet browsing. Oh, and today’s Daily Prompt: Penchant.

a screenshot of a isfj description of who you usually go for in terms of dating love romance

According to a random person who
made an interpretation about
Myers-Briggs who
might have made the whole thing up
I have a penchant

For the unachievable the
prideful, uncaring bachelor who
is two (five, ten) steps behind me who
I must constantly chase
and never face as an equal in love

I love a “non-committer”
a hesitant suitor
someone who I must baby as I think about the future
someone who makes me feel
inferior

Apparently I am a sap for masochism
a woman who worships fanatics of sadism

Indeed, this might have been my fate
at one time
to love unrequitedly
to invest in time-share romance
but is it my desire
to be burned out by my own fire
while the other watches me burn
cold as unyielding steel?

My only downfall was
thinking I was worth something
and reaching
not a weakness not a
love life death wish not a
fear of commitment
just a longing for men I thought were worth it
who turned out not to be

It’s just been me
learning
and I’ve learned
to know who’s recognized my worth
to recognize interest and affection
to only give what I’ve been given
to forgive but move forward

My past does not equal
My goals
My future
I don’t cycle
I upgrade

So best be cautious with your ill-conceived zodiac memes
Don’t misinterpret me
Or bring me down
I am intelligent, savvy
I will search carefully
Seek out chemistry
And I will find love or it will find me

The Curse of Old Loves

Composed 9/10/17
Description: Inspired by life and today’s Daily Prompt: Peculiar. A poem about moving on.

Peculiar
How we cling to the familiar
Even when we know it’s no good
He returns to old comfort
Though he knows it has failed
Venom seeping through the fingertips and lips
And clogging all paths to the heart
But he is welcomed
With a smile and soft eyes
With warmth
With kind words and old love songs
With good intentions, perhaps
But it’s a curse –
He’s poisoned but pleased
Pleasure brings him back and habits form
The longer it endures the more he is addicted and
The more harmed
The more he is unable to break free but
He can anticipate and follow routine
It’s easy
It’s hard to change, move on
Try something new
But if you keep returning to the past
You miss out on what’s in front of you
And the future never comes

Anticipation

Composed 9/7/17
Description: A belated response to the Daily Prompt: Anticipate.

If only I could anticipate your conversations
I could practice interactions to simulate elation
For I yearn to be in your good graces
To be admired — not one of a million faces
All I can do is watch your reactions
But I black out after failures to muster attraction
They seem to offer only confirmation
That your mind is engaged with other fixations

A Winding Course

Composed 9/5/17
Description: Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Elevate.

Fantasies formed in the mind and acted out viscerally
None that have seen the light of day nor should they
They are silly, preposterous
A sad routine of imagined cliches
There’s no stock to this
Instead reasons to cease and desist
Perhaps why I’ve yearned to quiet my brain
Command it to quit
I detest this sickness, loneliness
How it steals my senses away and
Wastes my time in argument
With my own self when it’s already won —
Logic against hopeful desire
That will eventually be stomped out like flame
I wish I could elevate myself
Above these feelings
Turn off my humanity like a switch
And focus on higher things or at least
Possible things
Because I’m tired of the uphill battles
And I don’t deserve them
I’m worth the pursuit or at least
Expressed, mutual affection
I’m just inpatient with this lazy
Meandering direction
This sorry excuse of a lovers lane

I Wish I Knew

Composed 9/4/17
Description: Inspired by life and today’s Daily Prompt: Educate.

Oh how to help a friend in need?
My empathy seems unfounded and strange

But I feel it
How do I express it?

Words seem repetitive and frivolous
I yearn to act
But I am at a loss about how to proceed

I wish I could know your mind
And act it out silently
So you could know my odd sincerity
Is not robotic but deep
Falling through a pit in my heart
To the stomach
And welling up to the throat and leaking through the eyes
Though I try to swallow

I suppose
I just care
About you about all of
This
And I wish you were aware
That you are not alone
That I am there

Over

Composed 4/1/17
Description: Hey, blog! Remember me? Yes, I have returned from my slacking with the masses for NaPoWriMo. Okay, it’s not really been slacking. It’s more like the last semester of grad school (and, okay, a recent obsession with a certain MMO). But I DO want to keep writing! And the poetry actually came pretty easily once I sat down and thought for a few minutes. So here we go, the thrilling conclusion to my latest string of sappy, romantic poetry.

I’m
Over you
I overestimated
Apparently not apparent
Adoration
I’m
Absolutely confused
But over
Over you

Taken

Composed 2/14/17
Description: For today’s Daily Prompt: Expectation.

The word lands like a natural disaster
I knew it was coming
Felt it in the earth beneath my feet
But I’m still thrown about
Hit in the heart with debris
I try to hide the hidden
Paper in my pocket
At night take it out
Read the pencil
Name faded soft on the outside
But I don’t rip it to pieces

It’s time to forget I know
And I numb my mind with
Friends and laughs and games
I feel better
I know better
And yet the night sends stories
To my dreams
And yet still I plot and scheme for
Every day I’m afraid you’ll meet
My expectations
But you’re already taken