One

You’re a gateway drug to everything
Would I even be me without you?
Did you see the secret part of me
Through the Johari window to my soul?

You showed me loves I had not yet uncovered
Parts I somehow knew but not yet discovered
Made a dark unconscious bright
Brought wholeness to a half life

Did you sense a kindred spirit?
Or just note a pretty eye, shy, and find it disgused
Or are you magnetized
To joy to passion to me
Pulled together until all is one and the same?

This connection…

It’s not a half-hearted compromise
It’s not a game
It’s peaked interest and laughing and comfort and fun
I needed my eyes uncovered and
You were the one

Composed 7/1/19

Myth

I cannot fathom the priviledge of your admiration
The possibility of taking for granted the attention of your eyes
To be the origin of your curling smile and enchanted laugh
Would be too much of a thrill
It’s too much of a fantasy to be true

I cannot fathom someone like you
That glorious mix of boyish charm and
Mature wit and sensibilities
Just the normal ambitions, anxieties
A comforting resting place
Where I can recharge my batteries

In a world so tainted and broken
I take pleasure in your normalcy
And though I know you’re not my destiny
I cannot fathom
The embrace of one so lovely
Meant for me

It would seem like an easy find
But your kind is scattered about the earth like pirate treasure
Long coveted and eagerly sought
Captured in stories and song
Most discovered already by worthy predecessors
Thus
I cannot fathom that anyone else like you exists
Except in myth

Composed 9/16/18
Description: Inspired by life and the RagTag Daily Prompt: Fathom.

The Day After

Composed 3/25/18

Just because I’m not easy
Doesn’t mean I’m untouchable
You see
I thought confidence was sexy
A set of standards and consistent personality
Was a trait to be admired and sought for eagerly
But you won’t even try
Preferring the company of convenience
Open palms and weak, trembling knees
Any batting eyes and sly smiles that invite
Even moments after acquaintance

Perhaps it’s fruitless to preach patience
But its virtue is both yours and mine
I won’t warm your bed tonight
Any other could be your flickering candlelight
All I can promise is a lifetime of what is real, enduring
Soft good mornings and
Emotion, eloquence,
Warm fires emitting radiance
Each night a good night kiss and
Love drunk words that feel like this
And most of all confidence
In loyalty, in one and only
A unique union strong in humor and partnership
But it’s time wrapped up in commitment
It’s inefficient
It’s different

I’m homegrown
A relationship planted, nurtured, watered, and sown
Don’t misunderstand me
You are free to your microwavable convenience store romance
But perhaps the work is worth the chance
For true flavor and craftsmanship
Even if the meal ends
Your time will not be wasted
A need inside of you fully sated

Tonight is not my night
And I doubt it will ever be
But tonight I won’t let it bother me
You look and all you see are
The words used describe me
Smart, kind, spiritual
Apparently unapproachable
And you?
Missing out

On Reaching Out

Composed 1/15/18
Description: n/a

My thoughts on love have polarized, metastasized
Spreading from brain, to heart, to thighs
I cannot imagine looking into your eyes
And seeing a reflection of me inside

I’ve been on both sides
A distant, disinterested foil of pursuit
A piner who quiets without conclusion
Now I care not to even glance in your direction
Such a farfetched fantasy
I cannot even feign the words to my untold story

These butterflies
Are angst and disgust
Not lovesickness
Lovers seem like strangers
A foreigner – I will never understand
And I have failed to assimilate

Trying
Might yield something
But I’m busy
It’s embarrassing

I see others with their limited successes
Their mediocre second tries
And I cannot find
The will, the desire
To extend my arm and spread open my fingers
To reach

If fate doesn’t deliver you into my hands
I believe I will busy them
In other worthy pursuits

Love Letter

Composed: 12/28/17
Description: To keep it short and sweet, this is a reaction to some conversations I’ve been apart of/overheard lately
. I’ll try and let the piece speak for itself.

Darling
I don’t want to love you like I love a crescent moon
Where I only love to see your face when most is out of view
Instead I want to bask as your whole self radiates
Where shadows, bumps, and craters make my struck heart palpitate

Darling
I want a partner
Not a child, not a put up with
I want to take pleasure in your presence
Not your absence
To take comfort from your closeness
Not your distance

Darling
I promise not to settle
I promise to wait for you
To avoid the doom of sighs and gossip
To be proud
To support you even when alone
Because I picked you and love you for all of you
Because your broken pieces are like kintsugi
Not detracting from your beauty
But making it

Darling let me love you like a song
For your beat, for your highs and lows
For the words I just instinctively know
Not perfect, not always
But there’s a connection and
It’s all pleasure to me
Let me love you like a song
That I always love to sing

A Winding Course

Composed 9/5/17
Description: Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Elevate.

Fantasies formed in the mind and acted out viscerally
None that have seen the light of day nor should they
They are silly, preposterous
A sad routine of imagined cliches
There’s no stock to this
Instead reasons to cease and desist
Perhaps why I’ve yearned to quiet my brain
Command it to quit
I detest this sickness, loneliness
How it steals my senses away and
Wastes my time in argument
With my own self when it’s already won —
Logic against hopeful desire
That will eventually be stomped out like flame
I wish I could elevate myself
Above these feelings
Turn off my humanity like a switch
And focus on higher things or at least
Possible things
Because I’m tired of the uphill battles
And I don’t deserve them
I’m worth the pursuit or at least
Expressed, mutual affection
I’m just inpatient with this lazy
Meandering direction
This sorry excuse of a lovers lane

You

Composed 2/7/17
Description: n/a

It’s not that I desire just
Any figure by my side
Or just any hand or any pair of eyes
But absolutely, specifically
The person that is you
The smile that you give
And the quips that just you do
But most of all I just wish
To look in your specific eyes
Hold your specific hand as
We stand there side by side
And press my lips to you
Lovingly

Not So Simple

Composed 1/28/17
Description: A theme I’ve been trying to capture the last couple of days. Given a boost by today’s daily prompt: automatic. Let me know what you think!

You and I have this syncopated dance
Back and forth both
Bold and uncertain and
Automatic
But the dance is a code that I cannot break

This would be easy if words were spoken
But we hide in intelligent quips and
Clever connotations
Our words circle and spin
Which makes my elation
Hesitant and foreboding

I try
And fail
To see through your eyes for
Truly mine are too shy

How I envy those whose hearts
Pour out through their lips without pause
All they have to do is say yes or no but
We dance around while I yearn for a single phrase

Isn’t this supposed to be
Simple?