Hiatus

Composed 3/18/18

Headaches
Staying up late
Persistent vegetative states
Pay the bills
Netflix and chill
Eat fast food for every meal
Watch the news
Sing the blues
Familiar drives all done in cruise
Do some chores
Tests to study for
But mostly just wanting more

The oft repeated, historical find
That life takes up all your time
And thus leaves the martyrs three —
Spirituality, beauty, creativity

Fall Apart

Composed 11/2/16
Description: Stress. It’s my life. Certainly until December, probably until August, maybe forever. Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Bludgeon

Does it come as a tap?
Nay
Nor even a shove
But like torrent rains it comes suddenly
Roaring
From above
And forever and always
Endless reams
Bludgeoning
Constantly
And I’m ripping at the seams

A famine exists
But when will it appear?
Not day nor weeks
Perhaps months or years
But can I take the hammer
Until the sunshine leaks through?
Can I even live
When I’m living black and blue?

Carry Wisely

Composed 8/16/16
Description: For today’s Daily Prompt: Carry. Inspired by a timely quote from today.

One of those spurts of spontaneous wisdom
Don’t buy more than you can carry
It was, in fact, related to groceries
But carrying carries more meaning

Shall I take on your problems
Hold them close to my chest
And lift them up as best as I can
Alongside the daily stress I carry
And my thoughts and the worries
Of others, so many?

What if I drop you all over the floor?
Or bruise my own body
As I fall to the ground
And sacrifice myself as I try to manage
The world?

What good does it do you
If I buy in but can’t manage?
What good does it do me
If I buy in when it destroys me?

You cannot carry everything
So choose and
Carry wisely

One of those spurts of spontaneous wisdom
Don’t buy more than you can carry
For you might demolish something
More important than groceries

Stress Test

Composed 4/11/16
Description: For Day 10 of NaPoWriMo. Based on a conversation I had today.

She was worried she’d die
Face down on the treadmill

Doctors would lick and stick electrodes to her
Watch the beeping of her heart and
She’d begin
Step after step breathing heavy
Up and up and across that digital mile
Sweat beading in her brow

They’d watch her spike
And go flat

What she didn’t remember was
Her heart had experienced more than that mile
She’d known stress of great intensity
Chronic worry and work to the point of fatigue
She cared immensely about every need
Her heart beat along with the
Buzzing in her head and the
Heartbeats of everyone around her
She’d lived a hundred stressful lives
Heart thumping with the emotion of a hundred miles

What she didn’t know was that she’d already passed the test
This was just a formality

For Emergencies (mostly)

Composed 2/25/15
Description: For Writing 201: Day 8! An ode using apostrophe and a drawer theme was my challenge for this day. I wanted to write a serious ode, because the last ode I wrote was about fruit loops, I believe… But, in the end, that didn’t happen. However, it rings very true to me… and hopefully to some of you.

When mountains of stress fall upon
When friends betray and lovers reject
And bodies curl with symptoms ill
There is only one comfort that truly succeeds
In dulling the sorrow, the anger, and grief
It breaks and melts troubles away
It sweetens the most sour of days

Oh, open for me, dear drawer!
Reveal to me my life sustainer!
Let me see
Let me taste
My chocolate

Blinded

Composed 4/24/14
Description: (Day 24 of NaPoWriMo) How I’ve been feeling this last week, somewhat following NaPoWriMo’s (optional) theme of masonry.

Sharp and silver facts and figures
Slice through gray ridges and fissures
That once filled up my head

Anxiety floods now in the ears
And swirls ‘round in the spaces here
Stirring mortar ashen red

And from the mortar heavy bricks
In front of my eyes stack and stick
So that I cannot see

The pinkish blossoms on the path
Lights hinting of dark’s aftermath
Both are lost to me

Knowing

Composed 4/‎‎22/11
Description: One of my old favorites, probably because of its subject matter, which is still as relevant today as it was two years ago (and will undoubtedly remain relevant for awhile longer).

How do you know?
A look?
A smile?
Or is one only sure
After talking awhile?

Is it a physical chemistry?
Mental stimulation?
How he acts in
Various situations?

Is it a mathematical mix;
A list of compatible traits?
Simply liking the same things?
Enjoyable dates?

I’m starting to think
I’ll never know
Or maybe I just need
To develop, grow
Learn what I want
Or what I need
A man who can laugh
Who has goals to succeed
A man with intelligence
And humility
A passion for life
And eventually me

Honesty’s important
As is commitment and trust
But how will I know he has this,
Or even tell love from lust?

Can you ever know?
Or do we just guess?
Ah! Love!
It’s too much stress.

Senior Year

Composed 4/30/13
Description: I am just about to finish up my junior year here at my university. Then it’s senior year, and then it’s… well, the real world. Everyone around me has been freaking out about what they’re going to do after they graduate. I am not excluded from that group. As a psychology major, there are a list of things I could do. I’ve pretty much ruled out a phD (the most surefire way to make money), but that still leaves me so many options. Do I try to get by with a bachelors? Maybe not. Grad school then. But for what? Should I get my MSW like I’ve been thinking? Get a masters in counseling and work with youth? Or go into legal mediation? What if I hate what I choose?

Happy dreams
Melt into nightmares
As the clock counts down
As the pages are ripped from their binds

Bright colors surround me
Friendly oranges, yellow, pink
But on the horizon
Unknown hues loom
Cold blues and black
Swirls of flashing red

How will I survive that desolate wasteland
With only my wits to aid me
Only a backpack stuffed with
Parlor tricks?
They mean nothing out there

What if my compass is wrong?
What if I take the wrong turn?
My life is doomed to wandering
Dissatisfaction, regret

And yet I have no choice
Hands force me forward

A trumpet blows
I wake
Among tossed pillows
And wrinkled sheets
Hot dew steaming on my skin

I arise
As the clock ticks
To take another few
Unwanted steps
Toward that unknown place

The Effect of Dancing

Composed 4/23/13
Description: Basically a description of my evening. It’s getting close to finals week, tonight was swing club officer elections (p.s. I’m the new president!!!), etc. At one point in the evening, I was feeling very flustered. However, right after the peak of my flustered-ness, I stepped out onto the floor to dance… and I felt almost giddy nearly instantly.

Too many tests
Election stress
That awkward guy
Wants to call me tonight
My face turns red
Just strike me dead
Big band plays
I’m swept away

Twelve seconds on the floor
All my troubles are no more