Battleground

Composed 5/5/15
Description: This is what you get when you read Frank Peretti I guess.

Is it angels or demons probing my mind tonight? I feel as if there are words that need to be spoken, rhythms and rhymes that must flow from my mind. It craves release.

But do I long for pride? Or does the Spirit nudge my pen to action?

My mind jumps from topic to topic. Why can’t I nail down the urge? Do demons cling to weigh down my wrestling? Do I listen to the calming voice of distraction? Does the Divine suggest mistake?

The Presence is so inside me. It is not here in this room, beside. No, the struggle is so clearly in mind – the battleground most oft trodden for me.

Is my conviction ill-fated? A nasty snip rather than a constructive flow? Perhaps I’ll never know.

But there is a fight, somewhere. Perhaps I’m only scratching the outside layer of the fight. I am not educated, confronted. Not yet. This is only the preparation, the training. Only moving in unconscious.

Who is my Teacher? I hope to be wary of demons, deceivers. Be with me, Lord, if not already. Help me see.

Under the Moon

Composed 4/15/15
Description: For Day 14 of NaPoWriMo. (Yes, you will get two poems today!) Technically, I wrote a poem yesterday, but this is about the same thing… and is much better. One of those cases where God (via my Bible study) confronted me pretty solidly about something I’d been struggling with over the last few days.

Under a grinning moon that hints of blood
Is the turbulent channel of my days
A panting, gruesome, groaning sea
That swallows me, tossing endlessly
I’m free to swim
Bound in waves
I yearn to drown
To roll, thrown about
Feel the high before my death
But to be free I must swim
I must fight
I must reach the other side

The Fight

Composed 1/12/15
Description: A little before Christmas I received my very first smartphone as a Christmas present. Yes, I’m 23 and just got a smartphone. What? I liked my little Alias 2! That’s a cool phone!

But besides the fear of ditching my longtime, very reliable “dumb” phone, I was worried that I would be faced with many distractions once in possession of a smartphone. I’m already an Internet addict, but I rather disliked the idea of technology creeping in on my social interactions. So is the smartphone a distraction? Yes. But…

He steals my eyes from yours
so I cannot see your smile
your grief
He steals my hands
from the touch of friends
and worse he steals my mind
filling it with preoccupations
that have nothing to do with the observations of my loved ones
Surely he’s stolen opportunities for connection
with family or with strangers
but

Hasn’t he also given me a chance
to see your face?
To reach out and comfort my dear far friends?
Flood my mind with the warmth
of your unexpected words
so that I may think of nothing else?
To speak
make connections with some I may never or rarely meet?

Perhaps…
it is all about
balance

We Forget

Composed 3/3/14
Description: Do you ever hear anything, and it just hits you? Recently I’ve been hearing a lot of bad news, several rumors, and it just made me remember how little we really know about one another, how we have no idea what’s going on in another person’s head. And sometimes we don’t know until it’s too late.

So saliently I sense
The piercing of my own heart
That my mind lapses and
Skips
Over the trials of others

I forget that it’s not
I
Alone
That suffocates under the
Grip of isolation
It’s not just I who
Gags on the
Sour twinge of rejection

My brothers
Have been kicked out of their hearts
And wander in the wastelands of their minds
My sisters
Reside in their hearts as they’re breaking
And let their woe bleed out
In silence

My friends
We all shuffle
Instead of face one another
With our affliction
Because we forget
We’re all afflicted

But healing only comes
Under the synthesis
Of many minds
Of many hands

The Grind

Composed 12/17/13
Description: This was written in response to wdbwp’s prompt Trial and Tribulation.  The prompt was to write of a situation that has caused stress, anxiety, pain, etc.  For me, this was an easy prompt.  In fact, I actually had already written about half this earlier in the semester, but this prompt inspired me to finish it.

It’s the heavy
The dragging
The tired
And blind
The heart pumping
Worry
Of falling behind
The striving
The falling
The covered in mud
The lack of assistance
Coming from above
And then my soul
Pushed out there to sell
These are the trials
Of senior year hell

Unrequited

Composed 11/5/13
Description: Sorry for the long hiatus! School’s been killing me. But life has a way of smacking you with muse now and again.

I have accepted
The clouds that obscure
Any chance of sunlight
But I still bask in want
In the rays that pass through

Indeed I melt
Merely sensing your presence through the clouds
Long streams of warmth
Run and bubble under my fingertips
And the heat ebbs and flows
Across my neck and ear

How my knees tremble
At the smoky atmosphere that could be
If only I could stroke your face
Without getting burned

But I cannot help it
I still love
What is irrevocably refused

Visions in the Night

Composed 6/16/13
Description: I’ve been feeling a bit lonely today.

the worst result of your sway
is
I admit
not your fault
but that does not mean
I cannot drown
in the steamy pressure of the night
that fogs my mind
with red
with darkness
and squeezes my body all over
then releasing
leaving my heart and soul empty
an emptiness that
lasts and lasts

I Can’t Look

Composed 5/19/13
Description: Another personal piece (based on today), and my first experimentation with switching up spacing. Let me know what you think!

Your eyes

Twinkle mysteriously
Like midafternoon rain on an overcast day
The sun shines through

Blinding
I can’t look

So full of happiness
And admiration
So different

So misleading
My heart breaks