Superficial

Which is more superficial:
Consuming all that
Brings me joy in this
Short life
While perhaps
Making it a bit shorter
Or
Denying myself for
A few more years to
Conform to standards
That aren’t mine
To slip in more easily
Through the cracks of this world
Until it breaks.

 

Composed 10/8/17

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ID

Composed 4/21/18
Description: n/a

Reckless and free
You are a part of me
A physical manifestation of id-inspired cravings
With kindness and handsome idiosyncrasies
Musical, unrestrained
By any convention other than one’s soul feeling
Fair weather nature
Lover, wanderer
Recorder of life’s victories
And tragedies
That waft
A poison cloud reminder
That you don’t have it all together
Vague posts and alcohol smiles
Mask the anxiety provoked by
Trying to contain the galaxy in your heart
Voices heard slip through lips in passing
The need to be engaged with me, you, all in reality
The key that opens the mystery
Of a tortured solitude
Clouds disappear like your commitments
Inconsistency your only constancy
And the more I know the less I see
The part of you I thought was me

The Day After

Composed 3/25/18

Just because I’m not easy
Doesn’t mean I’m untouchable
You see
I thought confidence was sexy
A set of standards and consistent personality
Was a trait to be admired and sought for eagerly
But you won’t even try
Preferring the company of convenience
Open palms and weak, trembling knees
Any batting eyes and sly smiles that invite
Even moments after acquaintance

Perhaps it’s fruitless to preach patience
But its virtue is both yours and mine
I won’t warm your bed tonight
Any other could be your flickering candlelight
All I can promise is a lifetime of what is real, enduring
Soft good mornings and
Emotion, eloquence,
Warm fires emitting radiance
Each night a good night kiss and
Love drunk words that feel like this
And most of all confidence
In loyalty, in one and only
A unique union strong in humor and partnership
But it’s time wrapped up in commitment
It’s inefficient
It’s different

I’m homegrown
A relationship planted, nurtured, watered, and sown
Don’t misunderstand me
You are free to your microwavable convenience store romance
But perhaps the work is worth the chance
For true flavor and craftsmanship
Even if the meal ends
Your time will not be wasted
A need inside of you fully sated

Tonight is not my night
And I doubt it will ever be
But tonight I won’t let it bother me
You look and all you see are
The words used describe me
Smart, kind, spiritual
Apparently unapproachable
And you?
Missing out

Hiatus

Composed 3/18/18

Headaches
Staying up late
Persistent vegetative states
Pay the bills
Netflix and chill
Eat fast food for every meal
Watch the news
Sing the blues
Familiar drives all done in cruise
Do some chores
Tests to study for
But mostly just wanting more

The oft repeated, historical find
That life takes up all your time
And thus leaves the martyrs three —
Spirituality, beauty, creativity

On Reaching Out

Composed 1/15/18
Description: n/a

My thoughts on love have polarized, metastasized
Spreading from brain, to heart, to thighs
I cannot imagine looking into your eyes
And seeing a reflection of me inside

I’ve been on both sides
A distant, disinterested foil of pursuit
A piner who quiets without conclusion
Now I care not to even glance in your direction
Such a farfetched fantasy
I cannot even feign the words to my untold story

These butterflies
Are angst and disgust
Not lovesickness
Lovers seem like strangers
A foreigner – I will never understand
And I have failed to assimilate

Trying
Might yield something
But I’m busy
It’s embarrassing

I see others with their limited successes
Their mediocre second tries
And I cannot find
The will, the desire
To extend my arm and spread open my fingers
To reach

If fate doesn’t deliver you into my hands
I believe I will busy them
In other worthy pursuits

Reflections on a New Year’s Party

Composed 1/8/18
Description: Going over some old poem scraps and polishing them up. So here we have a somewhat belated reflection on my real-life New Year’s Eve. However, I think this musing could be applied to nearly any moment, any time you looked around and marveled, whether that moment was happy or bizarre, and said “How did I end up here?”

A new year begun with
old friends, long histories
acquaintanced and long distanced but
brought together, connected, and
intertwined by
happenstance and serendipity
begging the question
How did we get here?
And will we be here next year?

Love Letter

Composed: 12/28/17
Description: To keep it short and sweet, this is a reaction to some conversations I’ve been apart of/overheard lately
. I’ll try and let the piece speak for itself.

Darling
I don’t want to love you like I love a crescent moon
Where I only love to see your face when most is out of view
Instead I want to bask as your whole self radiates
Where shadows, bumps, and craters make my struck heart palpitate

Darling
I want a partner
Not a child, not a put up with
I want to take pleasure in your presence
Not your absence
To take comfort from your closeness
Not your distance

Darling
I promise not to settle
I promise to wait for you
To avoid the doom of sighs and gossip
To be proud
To support you even when alone
Because I picked you and love you for all of you
Because your broken pieces are like kintsugi
Not detracting from your beauty
But making it

Darling let me love you like a song
For your beat, for your highs and lows
For the words I just instinctively know
Not perfect, not always
But there’s a connection and
It’s all pleasure to me
Let me love you like a song
That I always love to sing

Consent

Composed 12/16/17
Description:  Inspired by life and the Daily Prompt: Meager.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

— Eleanor Roosevelt

I had already given myself the talk
My worth is not based on
accomplishment, talent

I had already given up
talentless, hopeless
I should move on, forget it
This hobby, this dream

Then expectation overturned, reversed
giddiness, excitement
All was not as it seemed

Then passion, pride burned
In my chest as I freed
My own heart from this self-inflicted curse
Merely a meager word
Changed the course
Of my own history

Realization, turns pensive
Despite my faculties
I still allow others to own me