Not So Simple

Composed 1/28/17
Description: A theme I’ve been trying to capture the last couple of days. Given a boost by today’s daily prompt: automatic. Let me know what you think!

You and I have this syncopated dance
Back and forth both
Bold and uncertain and
Automatic
But the dance is a code that I cannot break

This would be easy if words were spoken
But we hide in intelligent quips and
Clever connotations
Our words circle and spin
Which makes my elation
Hesitant and foreboding

I try
And fail
To see through your eyes for
Truly mine are too shy

How I envy those whose hearts
Pour out through their lips without pause
All they have to do is say yes or no but
We dance around while I yearn for a single phrase

Isn’t this supposed to be
Simple?

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Autumn Ghosts

Composed 8/17/16
Description: For today’s Daily Prompt: Ghost. I have written about ghosts in various intensities many times (see some here and here), but this time it is inspired by some fears that have become particularly salient today.

as the leaves shrivel and
the breezes return the
ghosts slip through the cracks in waves and
rest on my shoulder
breathing fear onto my neck
their deep, raspy voices whisper doubts into my ear
suddenly
my body is poison
my mind a thundering electric storm
it’s all I can do to curl up hold on and
stop myself from retching all of me
I shrivel with the leaves
shiver with the breeze
but

not all ghosts are demons
with the light comes
color and some warmth
the waves of evil spirits halt and
the messengers gently descend on their beams of sunlight
and I remember
I have conquered this evil before
why else do they
feel the need to
scare me?

After

Composed 5/12/15
Description: n/a

I feel so empty
After release
So much tension
Finally appeased
But what comes next?
What’s my true goal?
I now work for nothing
I shield a hollow soul

What happens when my tasks are complete?
What happens when I check off my list?
Expected tasks dutifully performed
I lack direction
Ignorant of my gifts

Freedom is my burden
Opportunity wasted in this life
I cling to established rhythms
Scared to color outside the lines

But now I feel so empty
When my day is done
I just hope there is a Plan for me
I hope I’m not the one only

Old Spark

Composed 4/24/15
Description: n/a

Old arguments stirred at a new time and place
Does space make it any different?
I relive that stress, frustration, then relief
Reconsidering makes me feel weak
I only rethink decisions made in clarity
Because I’m lonely
Some part of me
Burns

Change of Seasons

Composed 4/1/15
Description: For Day 1 of NaPoWriMo! (It’s only a little late…)

I don’t know why I am
So scared to dream
In this warm and promising spring
Perhaps I’ve spent too much
Time in the dark
My heart has crystalized
A product of such a barren winter

Shielded and unable to feel
Even the sunlight does not feel real
I guess I’ve grown too used to the shade
I no longer shun its solitude
Didn’t I once love the sun?
But
Faced with spring’s sudden glare
I balk

Last of Days

Composed about 5/8/14
Description: A poem composed around the last few class days of the last semester of my college career.

What am I to say on these last of days?
as I write the last words on the last chapter’s page?
I feel no elation or intense sorrow
about the events taking place in the morrow.
I hear voices – bright, awed, and reserved –
but I stare at bare walls – quiet, undisturbed.
What should I think as I rest my head
for the final time on my four year bed?
It was a good time. I hope I remember
the laughs, the facts, every spring and December
I feel different. Have I changed for the better?
In some ways I’ve got it down to the letter.
But I’ve also learned of my imperfections
and falter to swing in new directions.
But as I leave I know I understand more –
of friendship, myself, and future doors.
I owe so much to my friends and my Lord,
And now He says it’s time to move

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