Taken

Composed 2/14/17
Description: For today’s Daily Prompt: Expectation.

The word lands like a natural disaster
I knew it was coming
Felt it in the earth beneath my feet
But I’m still thrown about
Hit in the heart with debris
I try to hide the hidden
Paper in my pocket
At night take it out
Read the pencil
Name faded soft on the outside
But I don’t rip it to pieces

It’s time to forget I know
And I numb my mind with
Friends and laughs and games
I feel better
I know better
And yet the night sends stories
To my dreams
And yet still I plot and scheme for
Every day I’m afraid you’ll meet
My expectations
But you’re already taken

Effervescence

Composed 1/31/17
Description: n/a

I don’t want to feel this
I wish I could give it away
It would be better than being crushed
By the pity in your eyes
It would be so easy
But I’m strangled by
The possibility of missed opportunity
So despite
Shrinking in your presence
And gagging on my worry
I must swallow my pride
I have to try
Or I’ll implode from these thoughts
Building up inside

Tactile Hallucinations

Composed 11/14/13
Description: I blame this title on the abnormal psychology quiz I’m studying for. Fun fact: these types of hallucinations are most common in situations of withdrawal.

I miss the things
That never were
The brush and touch
Of which I’m unsure
My fingertips
Untouched
Still burn
My heart, unbidden,
Won’t cease to yearn
My unfilled arms
And cold pale skin
Miss the solid
That was never him
His soft sweet pecks
That never pressed
I’ve tried to forget
But I’m obsessed

Unrequited

Composed 11/5/13
Description: Sorry for the long hiatus! School’s been killing me. But life has a way of smacking you with muse now and again.

I have accepted
The clouds that obscure
Any chance of sunlight
But I still bask in want
In the rays that pass through

Indeed I melt
Merely sensing your presence through the clouds
Long streams of warmth
Run and bubble under my fingertips
And the heat ebbs and flows
Across my neck and ear

How my knees tremble
At the smoky atmosphere that could be
If only I could stroke your face
Without getting burned

But I cannot help it
I still love
What is irrevocably refused

A Brief Romantic History

Composed 10/8-9/13
Description: Another Literary Arts Magazine potential. Though, also a subject I’ve been intending to cover for awhile…

The first
He lured me in
Sweetly as a song
But he held me out
At arm’s length
Before I was there long
But I was young and clueless then
So I stayed firm by his side
Hoping that
One day
He would change his brilliant mind
A year or so went by
That was all that I could take
So I looked away and pushed him off
Drifting across the lake

But looking back
I see now
The blessing that heartbreak turned out to be
I lived life
And discovered myself
Only because I was free

The next
He crashed right into me
A derailed train
Unintended
We fell hard with hugs and words
But the illusion of our bond
Soon ended
So with a sigh of relief and sorrow
I pushed him far away
Thinking that I’d seen the last
Of any chance love had to sway

But looking back
I see now
The blessing that heartbreak turned out to be
I stayed true
And re-established myself
Only because I pulled free

The last
Remains a mystery
A construct
Hypothetical
And some days I do think
My beloved will stay
Theoretical
Especially when it seems
All potentials look away
And loneliness seeps
Deep within
As I go throughout my days

But looking forward
I admit
The blessing that heartbreak can frequently be
I continue to grow
And remain myself
As I savor the years of being free

Don’t You?

Composed 8/18/13
Description: Inspired by an unexpected visit yesterday.

Don’t you want me to call you darling
And take your cares off at the door
And hang them on a rusty hook
As you rest your head on my shoulder

Don’t you want another’s ear
To whisper warm melodies
And fingers to press against the keys
When passion floods your heart

Don’t you want to wage war
Sharp tongue battles into the night
Feel the sting and thrill of anger’s slap
And turn our swords when intruders come

Don’t you want a companion
To make you laugh as you journey on
Six hours later falling
Pleased into home

I know you do
Then why do you leave
Alone
As I ask questions?

Memento

Composed 7/16/13
Description:  A personal piece.

I possess a part of your past self
The soft one I can coax into my palm
He wraps me in his arms each night
In the warmth of one
Who lay out in the sun

From the slope of my shoulders to my arching feet
He runs his brown hands over me
I twist and smile beneath him
And sigh
For he is a past self
And I will never hold the present

Missing Out

Composed 6/27/13
Description: I realized today how infrequently I take advantage of admiring the view from my window. It faces west and reveals the large field across the street, so of course the evenings are lovely. But I rarely admire a sunset or even the beautiful scenery that I am lucky enough to be surrounded by. I suddenly had the thought — if an admirer (a sort of Peter Pan or a similar mystical, handsome figure) was hovering and glancing in my second-story window… I would never notice. What a shame that’d be!

Her custom (he knew)
Was to sit and to stare
At a flashing slick screen
(While twisting long auburn hair)
For hours she’d spend
Clicking and twisting
Once in a while, a smile
(Which he often found missing)
Her cheeks were flushed
Her pale soles flew high
Their accompanying stems
Twisting, like a dance, in the sky
He knew the way
She slept, drank, ate
As she spent her nights there
(Because he came everyday)
How often he wished
She’d catch his stare
(For with one glance
One could see he was there)
But, no, those eyes
(So wide and so gray)
Were only aimed at the screen
Missing out
On love’s sway

I Can’t Look

Composed 5/19/13
Description: Another personal piece (based on today), and my first experimentation with switching up spacing. Let me know what you think!

Your eyes

Twinkle mysteriously
Like midafternoon rain on an overcast day
The sun shines through

Blinding
I can’t look

So full of happiness
And admiration
So different

So misleading
My heart breaks

Unfortunate Reality

Composed Summer 2012
Description: I scribbled the majority of this poem down on a scrap piece of paper while I was working in an office last summer. It was just one of those times when I was (randomly) hit with these feelings (feelings, strangely enough, that would come up again, more fiercely, a little less than a year later). I lost the paper and for the most part forgot about it until I found it today. I edited the original and added a much needed last verse this evening. Enjoy!

Sometimes I think about running back to you
But the past always makes me change my mind
And yet I can’t help it on these bitter lonely nights
I think about your laughter and I smile

We really had it good there for awhile
Though you might not see as well as me
You sang and we laughed on your old van’s worn-out seats
Even now I could tell you anything

And then I have to break out of my daydreams
And remember why our love can never be
Even though I care for you and yearn for your embrace
You will never feel so strongly about me